Feeling ever so Lonely
Ok... there is so much going on around here. My best friend Samantha just got married, my brother is getting married, Poe has a girlfriend (that is a whole other issue), Eric is asking some girl out tonight, and well here I am. Spending another evening sitting on the computer alone. Sure church was fun, it always is. But typically on Wednesdays me and the boys head over to Poe's for Poe Mom Food and Star Trek. Everything is changing and I sort of feel left behind. If this girl says yes to Eric.. I'll be the only one in our "group" without a significant other. All the boys will have girlfriends and I will be alone. I'm happy that they all have some one, but what about me! When we go to hang out and the g/fs come along too who am I supposed to bring? Anyways... I don't know what it is with me. My brother thinks that I shouldn't worry about dating and just have friends and be friends. I know he's right, but there is still a part of me that doesn't like being lonely. Seriously! I'm like 19 years old and never had a real boyfriend. People ask me all the time..."What's up with that?" And I'm like.. "I've been asking myself that for years!!" Is there truely something wrong with me? I doubt it. I'm a beautiful, bright, talented, christian girl. Some guys have told me its probably because I won't have sex or something like that. But when I think about it.. the guys I've wanted to date.. we don't even get that far in conversation for that to be the reason. Looking back through some of my old photo albums, I'm sorry to say... but I was ugly and fat! I mean yeah I was. And anyone who wants to think otherwise, can. But I've seen the pics for myself. But now. I'm not like that anymore. And I'm just as sweet as ever and etc etc. I don't know. Maybe the Lord is just saving me and keeping me in his personal little sack waiting for the perfect guy to come along and then he'll release me. He wants to save me from all the sin and hurt in this world so that I'll be happy. But waiting here in this sack is hard! You know.. He may be wanting to protect me.. but doesn't He realize that I'm hurting at the same time because of it. Plus, there seems to be no airholes of anykind and rarely do I see the sun shine through. I mean throw me a bone everyonce in a while here. And what if no guy ever comes? What then? Am I doomed to wander the earth alone for ever?
Ok... there is so much going on around here. My best friend Samantha just got married, my brother is getting married, Poe has a girlfriend (that is a whole other issue), Eric is asking some girl out tonight, and well here I am. Spending another evening sitting on the computer alone. Sure church was fun, it always is. But typically on Wednesdays me and the boys head over to Poe's for Poe Mom Food and Star Trek. Everything is changing and I sort of feel left behind. If this girl says yes to Eric.. I'll be the only one in our "group" without a significant other. All the boys will have girlfriends and I will be alone. I'm happy that they all have some one, but what about me! When we go to hang out and the g/fs come along too who am I supposed to bring? Anyways... I don't know what it is with me. My brother thinks that I shouldn't worry about dating and just have friends and be friends. I know he's right, but there is still a part of me that doesn't like being lonely. Seriously! I'm like 19 years old and never had a real boyfriend. People ask me all the time..."What's up with that?" And I'm like.. "I've been asking myself that for years!!" Is there truely something wrong with me? I doubt it. I'm a beautiful, bright, talented, christian girl. Some guys have told me its probably because I won't have sex or something like that. But when I think about it.. the guys I've wanted to date.. we don't even get that far in conversation for that to be the reason. Looking back through some of my old photo albums, I'm sorry to say... but I was ugly and fat! I mean yeah I was. And anyone who wants to think otherwise, can. But I've seen the pics for myself. But now. I'm not like that anymore. And I'm just as sweet as ever and etc etc. I don't know. Maybe the Lord is just saving me and keeping me in his personal little sack waiting for the perfect guy to come along and then he'll release me. He wants to save me from all the sin and hurt in this world so that I'll be happy. But waiting here in this sack is hard! You know.. He may be wanting to protect me.. but doesn't He realize that I'm hurting at the same time because of it. Plus, there seems to be no airholes of anykind and rarely do I see the sun shine through. I mean throw me a bone everyonce in a while here. And what if no guy ever comes? What then? Am I doomed to wander the earth alone for ever?
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