Dreams of "him"
Isn't it funny the things you dream. During my short period where I freaked out about Brek, my friend Laura called me. Almost instantaneously I was brought back to the real world and the life that I am living right now. My attention was focused on the present, going to church, and my friends. Brek was pushed severally out of mind. Then.. last night.. I dreamt, and what a dream it was. So vivid, so real, so believable.
I dreamt that I was on a ship. What kind was it? Where was I going? I don't quite know for sure. It was a big ship though and it was cold and dark outside. I was talking with someone, when out of the corner of my eye a man hopped down some stairs and started walking down the corridor. There were a couple other guys with him, dressed similarly (rockabilly-esque). Mid sentence I stopped talking and rushed at the main guy. Even from behind I could see that it was Brek. All those old feelings, old pains, old loves, and questions rushed into my heart as I ran towards him. The same fear that he would ignore me and reject even conversing would me came to mind.
When I touched his arm and called out his name at first he tried to get away, as though he knew it were me chasing him. There was no where for him to go though and his friends found it odd that he'd be running from me. Finally he turned to face me and those beautiful eyes looked down at me angrily. I threw my arms around him and clung to him, just as I had done the last time we saw each other, before I left Dallas. I could feel his warmth, his muscles, his skin against mine. It was the same... so real. He asked what I wanted, seeming agigtated with my presence.
I glanced down at his left hand and saw that he was wearing a ring. He was married, and I knew exactly to whom. I asked if he had married Lisa. He acknowledged that he had. Though there was a bit of pain from this because I knew then that he never loved me, I also was happy. I was happy that he could be happy without me. I was happy that he had found love and he was content in his life. I was happy that I knew this and that I could move on because there was nothing to chase anymore. I told him how much I missed him. I asked why he couldn't have just told me. He didn't have much to say. He doesn't seem to ever have much to say to me anymore.
Then somehow the scene shifted and we were laying down together, like we had only a couple years ago, on his couch. The same scent, the same cool feel, the strength of our embrace. I knew he would never be mine. Somehow though, he did care about me. We were friends. We missed our friendship, our connection... each other. For what seemed like ages, we just hugged and clung to one another, remembering feelings and sensations long gone away.
Isn't it funny the things you dream. During my short period where I freaked out about Brek, my friend Laura called me. Almost instantaneously I was brought back to the real world and the life that I am living right now. My attention was focused on the present, going to church, and my friends. Brek was pushed severally out of mind. Then.. last night.. I dreamt, and what a dream it was. So vivid, so real, so believable.
I dreamt that I was on a ship. What kind was it? Where was I going? I don't quite know for sure. It was a big ship though and it was cold and dark outside. I was talking with someone, when out of the corner of my eye a man hopped down some stairs and started walking down the corridor. There were a couple other guys with him, dressed similarly (rockabilly-esque). Mid sentence I stopped talking and rushed at the main guy. Even from behind I could see that it was Brek. All those old feelings, old pains, old loves, and questions rushed into my heart as I ran towards him. The same fear that he would ignore me and reject even conversing would me came to mind.
When I touched his arm and called out his name at first he tried to get away, as though he knew it were me chasing him. There was no where for him to go though and his friends found it odd that he'd be running from me. Finally he turned to face me and those beautiful eyes looked down at me angrily. I threw my arms around him and clung to him, just as I had done the last time we saw each other, before I left Dallas. I could feel his warmth, his muscles, his skin against mine. It was the same... so real. He asked what I wanted, seeming agigtated with my presence.
I glanced down at his left hand and saw that he was wearing a ring. He was married, and I knew exactly to whom. I asked if he had married Lisa. He acknowledged that he had. Though there was a bit of pain from this because I knew then that he never loved me, I also was happy. I was happy that he could be happy without me. I was happy that he had found love and he was content in his life. I was happy that I knew this and that I could move on because there was nothing to chase anymore. I told him how much I missed him. I asked why he couldn't have just told me. He didn't have much to say. He doesn't seem to ever have much to say to me anymore.
Then somehow the scene shifted and we were laying down together, like we had only a couple years ago, on his couch. The same scent, the same cool feel, the strength of our embrace. I knew he would never be mine. Somehow though, he did care about me. We were friends. We missed our friendship, our connection... each other. For what seemed like ages, we just hugged and clung to one another, remembering feelings and sensations long gone away.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home