Feeling at home vs. Feelings of Hell
So for the past two weeks... err.. well the past week I guess you could say. I've been going back to the Pentecostal Church. And so far, I really love it. For the most part, people are friendly, say hello, and want to talk to me. Some people who I never talked to before have even started talking to me. For example, Samantha's cousin Ryan, Kim, Aaron, Todd, Kevin, and some of the other youth group people. The best part about it is, I was seriously looking for a place to call my spiritual home. I feel that my faith has been slipping away and that I didn't want to really work to be a christian anymore. I knew that something was wrong so I needed that hunger again that I once had. And I've found it! Everyone has openly welcomed me back into the church family and are so happy for me to be there. Ryan even once asked, "So are you going to stay or are you going to do one of your dissappearing acts again?" It made me feel like someone actually cared about me and wanted me to be there. Plus, my friend Jiulie goes there now. So I finally have a friend. Someone whom I can converse with, spend time with, and have fun with. It's great. Another great thing that just sort of made me feel like it was right to go back was that day I went back, they anounced a Youth Choir starting. And the Lord knows how much I love to sing and singing for Him is the best! Though there are good things.. there will always be bad things. But I have to realize that no matter where I go, there will be bad things and that it isn't necesarrily the people, but spirits.
I did say that some of the people are starting to talk to me, but there are others that well.. totally ignore me. For example, Kevin. He comes to talk to her, shakes her hand and proclaims, "I have to come and shake everyones hand"... then doesnt even give me a second look, a smile, or a handshake. Another person who ignores me is Derek. We sort of went out for like a week last year. He liked me and I liked him. We talked for that week and stuff but I just didn't feel right so I broke it off. Ever since then he doesn't talk to me, or look at me. I don't know what's up with that.. but I really don't care. But the thing that hurts me the most is Samantha. She just got married in May, I went to her wedding, went to her bridal shower, bought her stuff and everything. Sure I didn't and still don't approve of her marriage but I understand that is what she wanted to do and I really have no say in the matter. And it's not like I ever told her to her face or supported her. I've been their for her and helped out. Well I've trued to call her so we can hang out and talk, because well.. she was my best friend. But she never calls me back. So she saw me at church this morning but as soon as service was over she just ran off. She didn't even come say hi to me. And she did the same thing tonight. I had to run after her just to say hello. I'm sorry but that just isn't right. I guess she is too caught up with her new married life to want me in there. And just some of the stuff she said to me.. really made me feel unwelcome. She says she misses me, but I highly doubt it. And the last part is sort of rough as well. One of the reasons I left the UPC is b/c of Aaron but that is a whole other blog in itself.
So for the past two weeks... err.. well the past week I guess you could say. I've been going back to the Pentecostal Church. And so far, I really love it. For the most part, people are friendly, say hello, and want to talk to me. Some people who I never talked to before have even started talking to me. For example, Samantha's cousin Ryan, Kim, Aaron, Todd, Kevin, and some of the other youth group people. The best part about it is, I was seriously looking for a place to call my spiritual home. I feel that my faith has been slipping away and that I didn't want to really work to be a christian anymore. I knew that something was wrong so I needed that hunger again that I once had. And I've found it! Everyone has openly welcomed me back into the church family and are so happy for me to be there. Ryan even once asked, "So are you going to stay or are you going to do one of your dissappearing acts again?" It made me feel like someone actually cared about me and wanted me to be there. Plus, my friend Jiulie goes there now. So I finally have a friend. Someone whom I can converse with, spend time with, and have fun with. It's great. Another great thing that just sort of made me feel like it was right to go back was that day I went back, they anounced a Youth Choir starting. And the Lord knows how much I love to sing and singing for Him is the best! Though there are good things.. there will always be bad things. But I have to realize that no matter where I go, there will be bad things and that it isn't necesarrily the people, but spirits.
I did say that some of the people are starting to talk to me, but there are others that well.. totally ignore me. For example, Kevin. He comes to talk to her, shakes her hand and proclaims, "I have to come and shake everyones hand"... then doesnt even give me a second look, a smile, or a handshake. Another person who ignores me is Derek. We sort of went out for like a week last year. He liked me and I liked him. We talked for that week and stuff but I just didn't feel right so I broke it off. Ever since then he doesn't talk to me, or look at me. I don't know what's up with that.. but I really don't care. But the thing that hurts me the most is Samantha. She just got married in May, I went to her wedding, went to her bridal shower, bought her stuff and everything. Sure I didn't and still don't approve of her marriage but I understand that is what she wanted to do and I really have no say in the matter. And it's not like I ever told her to her face or supported her. I've been their for her and helped out. Well I've trued to call her so we can hang out and talk, because well.. she was my best friend. But she never calls me back. So she saw me at church this morning but as soon as service was over she just ran off. She didn't even come say hi to me. And she did the same thing tonight. I had to run after her just to say hello. I'm sorry but that just isn't right. I guess she is too caught up with her new married life to want me in there. And just some of the stuff she said to me.. really made me feel unwelcome. She says she misses me, but I highly doubt it. And the last part is sort of rough as well. One of the reasons I left the UPC is b/c of Aaron but that is a whole other blog in itself.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home