Signs of Hope
The last few days have been really hard. Trying to get through my emotions for David. But something last night changed. We chatted breifly on the phone and made plans for the usual Sunday hockey game. Instead of being sad, I'm happy. Because even though I'm not dating David anymore, he's still my buddy; one of my bestest friends. And that helps out oh so much. I didn't cry and I don't hurt hardly at all anymore. Sure I'm sad at times because I miss the intimacy, but we have so much more than that. I'm just glad that I didn't lose him as a friend. That's all that really matters in the end.
Also, going to church really helped. This year is supposed to be my year of "Fullness." And the pastor instructed us to choose something that we want more of in our life. Of course knowing me the first thing that popped into my head was a relationship. But once I mulled over the idea in my head, some scriptures popped into my head. The one that really made me think was Matthew 6:33, "Your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for Him and make the Kingdom of Gof your primary concern." That's what I've been missing all along. I need to follow the Lord and make Him first in my life. Then I know all that my heart desires, I shall have. So in this year of Fullness I want to have more of God. I want my life to be full of Jesus Christ. God is awesome and I love Him so much. Yay! Go Jesus!
Another thing that has helped is an e-mail I wasn't expecting to recieve. You all know about Jacob, how much I love him, how close we were to getting together. But it's been quite some time since we last spoke, we haven't spoken since, well.. Thanksgiving. I've sent him an e-mail or two, called a couple times as well, just to say hello. But on those occasions, he has never replied or never answered his phone. He was doing to me what he had done before and it hurt me. For a while I was angry with him, because how could someone who cares about me put me through so much pain? This morning I told my mother how much I missed Jacob. I just missed talking to him. And she said something about him not wanting me to pursue him. But that isn't the case, I know he wanted to be with me. It just wasn't the right time. The e-mail I got from him this afternoon took alot of my heartache away. I know I need to leave him be not because he doesn't want me, but because he needs this time for spiritual growth (which I need too). And in church today we learned that Agape love, is asking, "What can I do for you?" Not, "What can you do for me?" Therefore, since I love Jacob, I know he needs me to stay at bay for a while. I know when it's time he will seek me out. Till then, I'm going to cash in on this Jesus fullness thing. Yeah... It's going to be a good year. Amen.
The last few days have been really hard. Trying to get through my emotions for David. But something last night changed. We chatted breifly on the phone and made plans for the usual Sunday hockey game. Instead of being sad, I'm happy. Because even though I'm not dating David anymore, he's still my buddy; one of my bestest friends. And that helps out oh so much. I didn't cry and I don't hurt hardly at all anymore. Sure I'm sad at times because I miss the intimacy, but we have so much more than that. I'm just glad that I didn't lose him as a friend. That's all that really matters in the end.
Also, going to church really helped. This year is supposed to be my year of "Fullness." And the pastor instructed us to choose something that we want more of in our life. Of course knowing me the first thing that popped into my head was a relationship. But once I mulled over the idea in my head, some scriptures popped into my head. The one that really made me think was Matthew 6:33, "Your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for Him and make the Kingdom of Gof your primary concern." That's what I've been missing all along. I need to follow the Lord and make Him first in my life. Then I know all that my heart desires, I shall have. So in this year of Fullness I want to have more of God. I want my life to be full of Jesus Christ. God is awesome and I love Him so much. Yay! Go Jesus!
Another thing that has helped is an e-mail I wasn't expecting to recieve. You all know about Jacob, how much I love him, how close we were to getting together. But it's been quite some time since we last spoke, we haven't spoken since, well.. Thanksgiving. I've sent him an e-mail or two, called a couple times as well, just to say hello. But on those occasions, he has never replied or never answered his phone. He was doing to me what he had done before and it hurt me. For a while I was angry with him, because how could someone who cares about me put me through so much pain? This morning I told my mother how much I missed Jacob. I just missed talking to him. And she said something about him not wanting me to pursue him. But that isn't the case, I know he wanted to be with me. It just wasn't the right time. The e-mail I got from him this afternoon took alot of my heartache away. I know I need to leave him be not because he doesn't want me, but because he needs this time for spiritual growth (which I need too). And in church today we learned that Agape love, is asking, "What can I do for you?" Not, "What can you do for me?" Therefore, since I love Jacob, I know he needs me to stay at bay for a while. I know when it's time he will seek me out. Till then, I'm going to cash in on this Jesus fullness thing. Yeah... It's going to be a good year. Amen.
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