What I want...
Ben and I went to see the invited dress for "Nine," the show I've been working on. The show went well and the showgirls looked great. Now, I do kind of like the show but then again i don't really. Some of the songs are good, the acting was good, the costumes were fabulous, and the set was kicking it, but what I don't really like is the content.
"Nine" is basically about this italian director who is struggling with coming up with an idea for another film. In the midst of this struggle he's juggling his 'love' for three women, his wife, his lover, and some actress. During some of the songs and such they have the women singing and dancing around Guido and all adoring him and a bunch of bullshit like that. I'm sorry, but that is just ridiculous and stupid. It makes me want to vomit how this man is loved by all these women and it portrays the way men are today. They expect us to just fall head over heels in love with them yet, expect to give us nothing in return expect the occasion romp in the sack. And I'm sorry, but that just isn't enticing in the least bit.
During intermission, Ben asked me why I didn't like the play and I tried to explain it to him. I do realize I have this cynical outlook on love and am quite wary when it comes to men. Yes I generalize, but I honestly haven't had any good examples of a faithful, honest, loving, and devoted man. What is a girl to expect then?
Ben then proceeded to question why I have this need to be in a relationship to make me.. what was it.. whole.. or was it happy? Either way. The truth is, I don't need to be in a relationship to be whole or happy. I'm just fine without one. In fact, I'm quite peachy! The past few months, year and a half, i've learned how to live quite happily being single, and learned how much I do love being single. I've been in some pretty craptastic relationships which have really opened my eyes. And I can say being in those relationships, I was much more miserable than when I was single.
It just sucks though. Because I was in this great part of my life and then BAM. I got struck by cupids stupid little heart pointed arrows. I wanted to be in love again. And I met Ben. Bah.... I want to be back in my life where I was happy being single and stuff. I don't want to be in love or in a relationship b/c it takes too much time and I should focus and all that. But then... deep down, I do want to be loved. Is that so wrong? But I don't want to be in a wrong relationship.. I want to be in the right relationship.
Le sigh... love is so freaking complicated.
He was really sweet though. We were outside and it was really cold and he let me wear his hoodie. And he let me rest my head on his shoulder during the show and such and didn't shy away or anything. I'm glad that we're getting to a point where we can hang out and I can touch him without getting all wierd. I hope he doesn't think I'm making advances but just friendly. Perhaps he should talk to Eric or Poe. They would be able to tell him that I'm touchy when I'm really close with certain friends. Meh.
Ben and I went to see the invited dress for "Nine," the show I've been working on. The show went well and the showgirls looked great. Now, I do kind of like the show but then again i don't really. Some of the songs are good, the acting was good, the costumes were fabulous, and the set was kicking it, but what I don't really like is the content.
"Nine" is basically about this italian director who is struggling with coming up with an idea for another film. In the midst of this struggle he's juggling his 'love' for three women, his wife, his lover, and some actress. During some of the songs and such they have the women singing and dancing around Guido and all adoring him and a bunch of bullshit like that. I'm sorry, but that is just ridiculous and stupid. It makes me want to vomit how this man is loved by all these women and it portrays the way men are today. They expect us to just fall head over heels in love with them yet, expect to give us nothing in return expect the occasion romp in the sack. And I'm sorry, but that just isn't enticing in the least bit.
During intermission, Ben asked me why I didn't like the play and I tried to explain it to him. I do realize I have this cynical outlook on love and am quite wary when it comes to men. Yes I generalize, but I honestly haven't had any good examples of a faithful, honest, loving, and devoted man. What is a girl to expect then?
Ben then proceeded to question why I have this need to be in a relationship to make me.. what was it.. whole.. or was it happy? Either way. The truth is, I don't need to be in a relationship to be whole or happy. I'm just fine without one. In fact, I'm quite peachy! The past few months, year and a half, i've learned how to live quite happily being single, and learned how much I do love being single. I've been in some pretty craptastic relationships which have really opened my eyes. And I can say being in those relationships, I was much more miserable than when I was single.
It just sucks though. Because I was in this great part of my life and then BAM. I got struck by cupids stupid little heart pointed arrows. I wanted to be in love again. And I met Ben. Bah.... I want to be back in my life where I was happy being single and stuff. I don't want to be in love or in a relationship b/c it takes too much time and I should focus and all that. But then... deep down, I do want to be loved. Is that so wrong? But I don't want to be in a wrong relationship.. I want to be in the right relationship.
Le sigh... love is so freaking complicated.
He was really sweet though. We were outside and it was really cold and he let me wear his hoodie. And he let me rest my head on his shoulder during the show and such and didn't shy away or anything. I'm glad that we're getting to a point where we can hang out and I can touch him without getting all wierd. I hope he doesn't think I'm making advances but just friendly. Perhaps he should talk to Eric or Poe. They would be able to tell him that I'm touchy when I'm really close with certain friends. Meh.
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