Talk with Katie
Katie came over tonight so we could talk and we could discuss what went down between Clint and I. At first we talked about Tracey and my's new fish, Freddy and the plant Freddy was living in, which I think we should name Esteban. Hehehe.
She asked me what happened that night, to clarify and get my perspective. I told her all that happened, what I'd said, what he's said. I gave her the full report so she could see it in it's context. Then she let me know some things that she and Brad had talked about. Where they felt Clint was coming from, his thoughts, his reactions and stuff like that. Some of it I understood and at the same time some of it confused me. So I explained to her the day/evening when Clint and I had become "official." There was a lot of confusion as to what we were. Apparently Clint had meant that he had wanted to get to know me better, but wasn't ready for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. But when we had talked about it the things he said made me feel that that is what he meant. I told this to Katie and we concluded that he had said the words but probably hadn't processed the ramifactions and reality of those words.
I have to say, it was really refreshing. I am able to lay aside my anger and frustration now. I'm not saying that it is O.K. what happened or what Clint did. But I'm able to forgive him and see things slightly better from his perspective. Also, she assured me that Clint really does care about me and that it's not that he cares for me any less he is just confused. And it is not me perhaps that confused him, but his own feelings. Clint grew up in small town Illinois. His views of the 'woman' he'd someday end up with is certainly nothing like me in dress, personality, knowledge, or alot of that. The idea that he could possibly end up with or fall for someone not like his 'idealized' girl, freaked him out.
Clint has a lot of growing up to do. He has a lot to learn about relationships and women. For now, we can be friends. Not in the pursuit that we might someday date again, but just to get to know each other and build a friendship. Maybe someday we can try it again. Maybe not. Who knows? I sure don't. But we both need to grow. I've learned a lot about myself through this experience and there probably is a lot of healing and soul searching that I need to do till then, especially when it comes to the idea of having children. Till then, I have plenty of things to occupy my time with. There is this looming thing that I like to call the Spanish Double Opera. Heh. Oh.. and I'm going to go dancing tonight. That'll be fun. Yay no sleep and working your butt off!
Katie came over tonight so we could talk and we could discuss what went down between Clint and I. At first we talked about Tracey and my's new fish, Freddy and the plant Freddy was living in, which I think we should name Esteban. Hehehe.
She asked me what happened that night, to clarify and get my perspective. I told her all that happened, what I'd said, what he's said. I gave her the full report so she could see it in it's context. Then she let me know some things that she and Brad had talked about. Where they felt Clint was coming from, his thoughts, his reactions and stuff like that. Some of it I understood and at the same time some of it confused me. So I explained to her the day/evening when Clint and I had become "official." There was a lot of confusion as to what we were. Apparently Clint had meant that he had wanted to get to know me better, but wasn't ready for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. But when we had talked about it the things he said made me feel that that is what he meant. I told this to Katie and we concluded that he had said the words but probably hadn't processed the ramifactions and reality of those words.
I have to say, it was really refreshing. I am able to lay aside my anger and frustration now. I'm not saying that it is O.K. what happened or what Clint did. But I'm able to forgive him and see things slightly better from his perspective. Also, she assured me that Clint really does care about me and that it's not that he cares for me any less he is just confused. And it is not me perhaps that confused him, but his own feelings. Clint grew up in small town Illinois. His views of the 'woman' he'd someday end up with is certainly nothing like me in dress, personality, knowledge, or alot of that. The idea that he could possibly end up with or fall for someone not like his 'idealized' girl, freaked him out.
Clint has a lot of growing up to do. He has a lot to learn about relationships and women. For now, we can be friends. Not in the pursuit that we might someday date again, but just to get to know each other and build a friendship. Maybe someday we can try it again. Maybe not. Who knows? I sure don't. But we both need to grow. I've learned a lot about myself through this experience and there probably is a lot of healing and soul searching that I need to do till then, especially when it comes to the idea of having children. Till then, I have plenty of things to occupy my time with. There is this looming thing that I like to call the Spanish Double Opera. Heh. Oh.. and I'm going to go dancing tonight. That'll be fun. Yay no sleep and working your butt off!
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