Where has the love gone?
It's been quite some time since I've last written and within that time much has transpired. The biggest things were my break up with Rick, designing Props for "Nightingale", Patterning for "Earnest", and spending alot of time in Denton with my friends. But what I want to talk about right now is my break up with Rick. It was sometime ago. Around the middle to late September. He did come down to visit me (even after that whole stupid thing i pulled) and we had alot of fun. We spent time together mainly, just being together for the first time. He gave me my first kiss. But after he came to visit, I just didn't feel the same. I still loved him but it was different. After a horrendous ordeal of emotion we broke up. It was the hardest thing for me to do because I knew I was breaking his heart. It still to this day hurts to know that I was the cause of so much pain. It took me a long time to get over him, learning to live on my own again with no one to talk to each night and such. You know the whole break up shpeel. We didn't talk for a few weeks because Rick said it would be the easiest way for us to move on. Within that time I would see him online and not say anything.. wanting to, but I didn't. Then one day I checked his profile and saw that he had a new girl. I'm glad that he could get over me and find someone to make him happy, but what hurts the most.. what really makes tears me apart is how fast it happened. It couldn't have been more than two weeks since we broke up. The only thing that runs through my mind each time i think about it is, Were all those things he said to me a lie? Did he ever truly really love me? Was the past 6 months just a joke? How can he say all those things to me and in such a short period of time simply shrug them off? I talked to him for a little bit tonight. I have to admit I haven't been that nice. But it's because each time i do i'm tormented by the thought that he never cared for me. He always talks about her and not once have i mentioned if I've been on a date or if i was interested in a new guy, Not once! Tonight i finally revealed to him how much it pained me. It didn't go well. Still I feel that he never truly loved me and this whole time I've been a fool. I'd like to talk to him more about it... just so he understand and perhaps so I can understand. But if not I suppose in the end it really doesn't matter. What is 6 months in the span of a lifetime?
It's been quite some time since I've last written and within that time much has transpired. The biggest things were my break up with Rick, designing Props for "Nightingale", Patterning for "Earnest", and spending alot of time in Denton with my friends. But what I want to talk about right now is my break up with Rick. It was sometime ago. Around the middle to late September. He did come down to visit me (even after that whole stupid thing i pulled) and we had alot of fun. We spent time together mainly, just being together for the first time. He gave me my first kiss. But after he came to visit, I just didn't feel the same. I still loved him but it was different. After a horrendous ordeal of emotion we broke up. It was the hardest thing for me to do because I knew I was breaking his heart. It still to this day hurts to know that I was the cause of so much pain. It took me a long time to get over him, learning to live on my own again with no one to talk to each night and such. You know the whole break up shpeel. We didn't talk for a few weeks because Rick said it would be the easiest way for us to move on. Within that time I would see him online and not say anything.. wanting to, but I didn't. Then one day I checked his profile and saw that he had a new girl. I'm glad that he could get over me and find someone to make him happy, but what hurts the most.. what really makes tears me apart is how fast it happened. It couldn't have been more than two weeks since we broke up. The only thing that runs through my mind each time i think about it is, Were all those things he said to me a lie? Did he ever truly really love me? Was the past 6 months just a joke? How can he say all those things to me and in such a short period of time simply shrug them off? I talked to him for a little bit tonight. I have to admit I haven't been that nice. But it's because each time i do i'm tormented by the thought that he never cared for me. He always talks about her and not once have i mentioned if I've been on a date or if i was interested in a new guy, Not once! Tonight i finally revealed to him how much it pained me. It didn't go well. Still I feel that he never truly loved me and this whole time I've been a fool. I'd like to talk to him more about it... just so he understand and perhaps so I can understand. But if not I suppose in the end it really doesn't matter. What is 6 months in the span of a lifetime?
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