Quiet Tongue

The other day Brek called me up; just a random phone call kind of deal. When I answered my phone I wanted to say, "Hey Baby what's up?" Instead I opted for the usual, "Hello?.. oh Hey how's it going?" (like I didn't know who was calling or something). And lately, when we say goodnight to each other on the phone I don't want to merely say, "Goodnight" or just "Bye". I want it to be like, "Ok baby. I love you. Talk to you tomorrow."

This is really odd for me because I haven't wanted to say things like since.. Rick. I mean when David and I were dating, I never once called him baby or some sort of stupid pet name. He was just David. I have called him sweetie a couple times, but I call all my friends sweetie. All of them. I think I told David I loved him once, but I was drunk, so it doesn't count and that was like three months into our 'dating' relationship. I've known Brek how long now? Umm.... not even two.

I hate how emotional I can be and how easily attached I become. But that's me. I can't help the fact that Brek and I connect really well. I suppose our closeness and bond reminds me of what it is like to be a girlfriend, so I revert to that. It's just another level of affection for me and I can't show it to Brek. I have to keep it in my heart. My mother says it's like being Mary. Everytime Jesus said or did something wonderful, she hid it in her heart to cherish. I suppose even though when I say goodnight to him or just "Bye," I know that what I really meant to say was "I love you."