Jesse's Party
It's almost 7 in the morning and I just got back from Jesse's (z3r0) party. It was a kind of birthday celebration for Josh, but really was just a party. There were a lot of people there that I didn't know, but by the end of the night, I knew some of them and was more friendly with those that I already knew. It was quite the nice little shin-dig, nothing fancy, just people chilling, drinking and having a good time together. I talked a lot with these two girls, Jessica and Allison. They were very nice girls. Jessica actually works with Sam at White's Chapel. They were both very kewl. Once they headed out, I dedicated my time and attention to AJ (Aconite) and Amber. They are just sweeties and I love them so much and they are so fun! Of course the entire night I had my eye on Jesse. He's so cute. Anyways... I hung out with AJ and Amber and was quite ... how do you say.. giddy! I had had two screwdrivers and a Mike's. We talked and got to know each other better. It was great. They understand me in a way that so few people do. In fact, I don't think anyone has ever understood this side of me before! Yay Amber and AJ. At one point, AJ and Jesse went outside to fight with their wooden swords. Of course this made Amber and I quite excited and we went outside to watch. It was really interesting and quite arousing. Amidst the fun of the sparring, AJ and Jesse both received their fare share of hits. It was an interesting battle of test, patience, and teaching. There is no way that Jesse could not have gotten the hint that I was totally interested in him. But as is my life, he did not recipricate the feelings.
AJ and Amber had to leave and I was stuck with all these people I really didn't know. I talked more with Tommy and Garrett and now I'm quite comfortable around them. But then, somehow and for some reason, everyone disappeared! It was just me, Jesse, and a sleeping Josh. Jesse was severally injured in the fight. His side hurt, he wouldn't let anyone touch him (yeah my attempts to sooth his pain away and cuddle were repelled), and he said he felt that he was bleeding internally. He practiced a bit with some of his other weapons. I watched. He's really cute and oh so hot. At one point he dropped his 'chucks' and they hit me. But he kissed me and continued his practice. It wasn't a real kiss, he simply kissed his fingers and touched where the flying weapon had hit me, but still, a kiss from Jesse is better than nothing. After he had finished, he sat down with me and talked to me. I didn't say much. I just listened. But that's me. I'm hella shy! Not to mention I was quite 'drunk.' I just wanted to watch him, listen to him, and learn about him with not distractions, and I did. But after a while, everyone came back to the party and that was it. He soon focused his attention on another girl, and like always I was left to sit in the corner hopeless, alone, and disappointed. I sat huddled in his blanket on his bed, hoping he'd remember me and come cuddle with me. But that didn't happen. Tommy passed out on the bed with me, and as I listened to Jesse ask the Brazilian girl out, I decided it was time for me to leave. He gave me a hug as I walked out the door. I guess that's something, but not what I was hoping for.
I'm such an idiot sometimes. I have so much confidence in myself and expect any guy who I like to like me in return, and when they don't, I get bummed. I like Jesse. I honestly think he's interesting. I know he isn't the one for me, but that's not what I wanted tonight. I just want to feel special and appreciated. Is it so terrible that I want to curl up on a couch or something with a really cute guy and cuddle? Is it so wrong to want to be the girl that the guys find attractive and irresistable? Is it bad to want to get even a little attention? There are girls out there that don't even have to try. When do I get that?
It's almost 7 in the morning and I just got back from Jesse's (z3r0) party. It was a kind of birthday celebration for Josh, but really was just a party. There were a lot of people there that I didn't know, but by the end of the night, I knew some of them and was more friendly with those that I already knew. It was quite the nice little shin-dig, nothing fancy, just people chilling, drinking and having a good time together. I talked a lot with these two girls, Jessica and Allison. They were very nice girls. Jessica actually works with Sam at White's Chapel. They were both very kewl. Once they headed out, I dedicated my time and attention to AJ (Aconite) and Amber. They are just sweeties and I love them so much and they are so fun! Of course the entire night I had my eye on Jesse. He's so cute. Anyways... I hung out with AJ and Amber and was quite ... how do you say.. giddy! I had had two screwdrivers and a Mike's. We talked and got to know each other better. It was great. They understand me in a way that so few people do. In fact, I don't think anyone has ever understood this side of me before! Yay Amber and AJ. At one point, AJ and Jesse went outside to fight with their wooden swords. Of course this made Amber and I quite excited and we went outside to watch. It was really interesting and quite arousing. Amidst the fun of the sparring, AJ and Jesse both received their fare share of hits. It was an interesting battle of test, patience, and teaching. There is no way that Jesse could not have gotten the hint that I was totally interested in him. But as is my life, he did not recipricate the feelings.
AJ and Amber had to leave and I was stuck with all these people I really didn't know. I talked more with Tommy and Garrett and now I'm quite comfortable around them. But then, somehow and for some reason, everyone disappeared! It was just me, Jesse, and a sleeping Josh. Jesse was severally injured in the fight. His side hurt, he wouldn't let anyone touch him (yeah my attempts to sooth his pain away and cuddle were repelled), and he said he felt that he was bleeding internally. He practiced a bit with some of his other weapons. I watched. He's really cute and oh so hot. At one point he dropped his 'chucks' and they hit me. But he kissed me and continued his practice. It wasn't a real kiss, he simply kissed his fingers and touched where the flying weapon had hit me, but still, a kiss from Jesse is better than nothing. After he had finished, he sat down with me and talked to me. I didn't say much. I just listened. But that's me. I'm hella shy! Not to mention I was quite 'drunk.' I just wanted to watch him, listen to him, and learn about him with not distractions, and I did. But after a while, everyone came back to the party and that was it. He soon focused his attention on another girl, and like always I was left to sit in the corner hopeless, alone, and disappointed. I sat huddled in his blanket on his bed, hoping he'd remember me and come cuddle with me. But that didn't happen. Tommy passed out on the bed with me, and as I listened to Jesse ask the Brazilian girl out, I decided it was time for me to leave. He gave me a hug as I walked out the door. I guess that's something, but not what I was hoping for.
I'm such an idiot sometimes. I have so much confidence in myself and expect any guy who I like to like me in return, and when they don't, I get bummed. I like Jesse. I honestly think he's interesting. I know he isn't the one for me, but that's not what I wanted tonight. I just want to feel special and appreciated. Is it so terrible that I want to curl up on a couch or something with a really cute guy and cuddle? Is it so wrong to want to be the girl that the guys find attractive and irresistable? Is it bad to want to get even a little attention? There are girls out there that don't even have to try. When do I get that?
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