The nights are the hardest
It's been what.. about two days since I've seen Brek. I've gotten quite a few e-mails from him yesterday and today. I like getting e-mails. They are nice. I call them my little rays of happiness. Even if they are a couple sentences or so. That's what is nice about Brek, he doesn't write one liners. They have actual substance in them. That isn't the point of this blog.
I'm going crazy here. My mind for the most part can't hold onto a thought without it reverting some how back to Brek. I wish I could get him out of my head. This really sucks and it's driving me insane. I don't want to think about him, but at the same time I do. I have these feelings for him that I shouldn't be having and all these thoughts in my head. I'm so selfish.. so very selfish. Some of the things he's told me, I've warped them in my mind to my own selfish desires and it just brings false hope into my heart. I shouldn't be torturing myself like this and I'm only making it harder. But I can't help it. How can something that seems so right... not supposed to be? When Brek said that he heard a voice saying to him, "That is what Lisa is thinking of you." I wanted to believe that He meant that she was saying goodbye to Brek. But that isn't right! When we've said the timing is SO Off! I've second guessed myself and thought, "the timing isn't wrong. God doesn't do things out of time. Isn't it a coincidence that both Brek and I broke up with the people we were with at the same time, back in February." Gah! See!! These thoughts just don't seem fair and right! I have no idea what God has planned for us and Brek was very adament of the fact that we'll most likely be just friends... but...
I hate being away from him. I hate knowing I won't see him again till Sunday. I hate thinking that he isn't thinking of me or going through the same struggle. But then I know he is.
All of this seems to familiar! It's just way too familiar! I don't want it to be, but David fucked it up so bad in my mind that I'm starting to to have the same thoughts about Brek. It's practically the same scenario, except I know Brek cares about me and doesn't want to hurt me. But I don't know. I don't want to write anything that might upset Brek so I'm just going to be quiet now. I gotta be patient and be his friend. I don't know what else to do. **sobs**
It's been what.. about two days since I've seen Brek. I've gotten quite a few e-mails from him yesterday and today. I like getting e-mails. They are nice. I call them my little rays of happiness. Even if they are a couple sentences or so. That's what is nice about Brek, he doesn't write one liners. They have actual substance in them. That isn't the point of this blog.
I'm going crazy here. My mind for the most part can't hold onto a thought without it reverting some how back to Brek. I wish I could get him out of my head. This really sucks and it's driving me insane. I don't want to think about him, but at the same time I do. I have these feelings for him that I shouldn't be having and all these thoughts in my head. I'm so selfish.. so very selfish. Some of the things he's told me, I've warped them in my mind to my own selfish desires and it just brings false hope into my heart. I shouldn't be torturing myself like this and I'm only making it harder. But I can't help it. How can something that seems so right... not supposed to be? When Brek said that he heard a voice saying to him, "That is what Lisa is thinking of you." I wanted to believe that He meant that she was saying goodbye to Brek. But that isn't right! When we've said the timing is SO Off! I've second guessed myself and thought, "the timing isn't wrong. God doesn't do things out of time. Isn't it a coincidence that both Brek and I broke up with the people we were with at the same time, back in February." Gah! See!! These thoughts just don't seem fair and right! I have no idea what God has planned for us and Brek was very adament of the fact that we'll most likely be just friends... but...
I hate being away from him. I hate knowing I won't see him again till Sunday. I hate thinking that he isn't thinking of me or going through the same struggle. But then I know he is.
All of this seems to familiar! It's just way too familiar! I don't want it to be, but David fucked it up so bad in my mind that I'm starting to to have the same thoughts about Brek. It's practically the same scenario, except I know Brek cares about me and doesn't want to hurt me. But I don't know. I don't want to write anything that might upset Brek so I'm just going to be quiet now. I gotta be patient and be his friend. I don't know what else to do. **sobs**
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