Needs...
So tonight I went out on a 'date' with Mark, a friend I made a couple weeks back at an after-show party that my brother had. Now I didn't really consider it a date but Rick did and Mark's roommate Margaret called it one. So anyways.. on our 'date' we watched some bad weather forming over our area and talked as the lightning shot across the sky. Then we hopped in my car and went to the Movie theatre during which Mark talked about nothing other than Margaret. Mark played some arcade games while i watched, typical, and then we watched Anger Management. After the movie we were standing outside while he smoked his cigarette and for probably an hour we chatted with the very friendly security guard. We proceded then back to Grapevine and stopped on in to see a buddy of ours, Daryll. The three of us just talked and b.s.ed for a while. In the end I took Mark back to his car, he gave me a hug, and we called it a night. Now the real reason why I'm writing is not because I had a date. Whoopty doo! I'm writing because well.. now I feel really terrible. O.k. Yes I have a boyfriend and yes I love him very very much but I have needs. The entire time I wanted to pounce Mark. I feel so stupid for feeling this way but I can't help it. Mark is a very attractive guy, to me, and I really like him. If it were feesible I would love to get to know him better and spend alot more time with him. But tonight was just insanely hard. At the coffee shop where I picked him up he was sitting watching the lightning and there were no other chairs around and I wanted to just curl up on his lap. On the drive to the theatre I wanted to hold his hand while we drove, i wanted to stand closer to him while he played his games, have him hold me during the movie..while we talked to the guard.. and when we visited Daryll. Instead of just a hug goodnight I wanted to crawl on top of him and really kiss him goodnight. On the drive home I felt so terrible. Not terrible because I wanted to do this to another guy who wasn't my boyfriend, but because I had all these urges with no way of release. I can't act on any of these because well.. It would devistate Rick and mine's relationship and Mark is totally in love with Margaret so I doubt he would have wanted to anyways. The entire time he must have been at least two feet away from me, so yeah I'm pretty sure I did the smart thing. But the fact is, I still have needs.
So tonight I went out on a 'date' with Mark, a friend I made a couple weeks back at an after-show party that my brother had. Now I didn't really consider it a date but Rick did and Mark's roommate Margaret called it one. So anyways.. on our 'date' we watched some bad weather forming over our area and talked as the lightning shot across the sky. Then we hopped in my car and went to the Movie theatre during which Mark talked about nothing other than Margaret. Mark played some arcade games while i watched, typical, and then we watched Anger Management. After the movie we were standing outside while he smoked his cigarette and for probably an hour we chatted with the very friendly security guard. We proceded then back to Grapevine and stopped on in to see a buddy of ours, Daryll. The three of us just talked and b.s.ed for a while. In the end I took Mark back to his car, he gave me a hug, and we called it a night. Now the real reason why I'm writing is not because I had a date. Whoopty doo! I'm writing because well.. now I feel really terrible. O.k. Yes I have a boyfriend and yes I love him very very much but I have needs. The entire time I wanted to pounce Mark. I feel so stupid for feeling this way but I can't help it. Mark is a very attractive guy, to me, and I really like him. If it were feesible I would love to get to know him better and spend alot more time with him. But tonight was just insanely hard. At the coffee shop where I picked him up he was sitting watching the lightning and there were no other chairs around and I wanted to just curl up on his lap. On the drive to the theatre I wanted to hold his hand while we drove, i wanted to stand closer to him while he played his games, have him hold me during the movie..while we talked to the guard.. and when we visited Daryll. Instead of just a hug goodnight I wanted to crawl on top of him and really kiss him goodnight. On the drive home I felt so terrible. Not terrible because I wanted to do this to another guy who wasn't my boyfriend, but because I had all these urges with no way of release. I can't act on any of these because well.. It would devistate Rick and mine's relationship and Mark is totally in love with Margaret so I doubt he would have wanted to anyways. The entire time he must have been at least two feet away from me, so yeah I'm pretty sure I did the smart thing. But the fact is, I still have needs.
