Just A Thought

As I've mentioned before there are times when Clint and I are talking that we'll both get quiet and simply gaze at one another. Not saying anything really, but just not taking our eyes off of one another. Just appreciating each other in the moment, admiring each other. The love in our hearts seem to flow through us to the other. It's really intense and really wonderful.

I was thinking about why is it that we do this. It just kind of happened and we continue to do it. But what really struck me was this is how God looks at us. Lovingly, He looks down upon His children. His gaze sends waves of love, joy, and happiness and if we would simply take the time to look up at him, we would experience all of it. The strength in feeling felt between Clint and I is strong, just imagine how much stronger it is when you're staring into the face of God! I encourage all of you to take the time to sit and simply appreciate and love on God.

Numbers 6:24-26 "May the Lord bless you and keep you; May the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious unto you; May the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace."

**giggles and wiggles**

Hehehe... Clint gave me our first kiss tonight. It wasn't anything uber-romantic or the kind of kiss that makes your foot pop or sends shivers up your spine. But it was sweet. Actually, the night before should have been our first kiss but when he touched me I kind of stiffened and got really nervous because I wasn't expecting it. Then he said that he wanted to kiss me and I stupidly suggested a hug instead. I kicked myself the rest of the evening and through all of today for it. I should have just let him kiss me. I was worried that I might have discouraged him and that he might not try to kiss me again for a while. The guy has guts though. Tonight when we were saying goodnight he leaned in again. This time, I let him and we kissed. It was small and really short. Like I said earlier though, it was uber sweet.

Unfortunately what I knew would happen, happened. Now my desire to kiss him and be held by him has serged. We held each other a lot and stuff while we talked for another 40 minutes or so. When he left however, I didn't get another kiss neither another hug. I felt so dissatisfied. Which is idiotic! I should just be happy and cherish the meek, gentle, and sweet little experiences that we have together. **sigh of contentment** I really hate having to spend time apart from him, but I suppose that just makes me appreciate even more the time we do have together.

Awakened by God

I woke up several times this evening. First a little after midnight and then again at around 4:30. The second time I woke up, I simply lied in bed for a moment and was about to close my eyes again to fall back to sleep. Then, in the corner of my eye I saw a flash of something. A bright white light, not very large, about a foot long and only an inch or so wide. It flashed near my head and then pulsed down. In my spirit I knew that it was something spiritual. I knew it wasn't made up. I saw something!

My first inclination was to fear. I've had spiritual attacks in the past, but this was different. Then I remembered that my mother usually is awakened in the middle of the night and then she prays and reads her bible. Wearily and a little reluctantly I sat up and turned on my lamp. I didn't quite know exactly what to do at first. Do I go get my bible and start reading? Do I pray? I decided the most logical thing was to pray. God woke me up, He must want to talk to me. So I prayed a little, worshipped a little. Mainly just sitting in silence and listening for Him, seeking Him.

After a couple minutes I felt the urge to get up and read my bible. So I pulled out my Kenneth and Gloria Copeland daily devotional, as well as my bible and studied the lesson for the day. It was about faith. I read the mini sermonette and then read the passages assigned. I have already read the passage before, but not in a while. I read it.. looked at it.. tried to figure out what God was telling me. Then I realized that I had highlighted a verse.

1 Thessalonians 5:16 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

At first I didn't know what to think. Then, through the wisdom and understanding of the Holy Spirit I realized.. this is God's will for you. Oh! Duh! I have been praying for God to make His will known to me and I was right then reading a passage specifically stating exactly what God's will is for me. I was overjoyed. Thank you Father for your blessings and Thank you Father for your faithfulness.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 "The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it."

It's Official

That's right ladies and gents! I am now officially in a relationship! Sorry fellas.. but I'm taken. LOL Shall I enlighten you all to the facts and details? But of course! As you all already know, Clint gave me a card and rose yesterday. When I found it, I was ecstatic! I rushed and called my mother to let her know and put the rose in a beautiful vase and set it up in the dining room. I didn't really know what I should do then. Should I call him, should I sent him an e-mail? I didn't know. I finally decided that he would call me once he got off work and then I'd thank him for his most delightful gesture. Later last night however, Mickey, one of Tracey's buddies came over and so she called Clint to come join us when he got off work. I quickly ran to put make-up on and Mickey of course laughed at me. But it took forever for Clint to show up. By the time he did, Tracey had gone to bed and Mickey had gone home. So I sat there nervously and waited.Finally sometime a little after 10, Clint arrived at my apartment. When I opened the door I wasn't expecting him to be dressed so nicely. He strolled in wearing a very nice blue button up shirt and black slacks. I was impressed and felt like a slob since I was wearing my pjs. Grant you, I wasn't expecting to see him at all that night. Yet there he was. So we sat down on the couch and started talking, asking each other about our days and things like that.

At one point, Clint mentioned that he had recieved my e-mail but that he hadn't understood it. I thought I had been quite clear. It was a bible verse that I thought would encourage him on his walk with God and trying to figure out where he needs to be. What I didn't know then was that at the time he had recieved the e-mail, he assumed I had already recieved the rose and card and thought I was politely brushing him off. In my confusion and in his confusion, I decided I should be honest and open and try to ease his mind. It took me a minute, well probably only a couple seconds but it felt like an eternity, and I thanked him for the rose and card. I expressed how much I appreciated it, how it was a lovely surprise, and how sweet it was. This of course made Clint very happy. He then proceeded to tell me how he had agonized all day over it all day. He hadn't known if I would get it, He didn't know if I would like it or if it would freak me out, He didn't know if the rose would die before I found it. Then when he recieved my e-mail... well you know. I then told him how I had found it and the time. This fully released Clint from the pressure and tension and then eased his mind.

We had several of those akward moments but we also had several lovely moments where we would just stare at each other. It was ecstasty. It was funny at some points because while we gazed lovingly at one another an inappropriate, or perhaps they were appropriate songs would play on the radio. The best examples of one of these that happened to play during one of the moments is I Want To Know What Love Is by Foreigner. A great 80's song. It's funny because thinking back on it, it was a great segway and lead into finally allowing ourselves to express our true interest in one another.

Clint kept making comments throughout the night that I knew had to deal with taking our relationship to a more committed level. He stated that a friend/past small group leader, Emily, wanted to know who his new interest was. She had tried to guess but Clint wouldn't let her know because she had a big mouth. Needless to say, he said that he'd let her know after the 16th of January. I asked him, "Well.. what are you going to tell her?" He kind of smiled and asked me, "I dont know. What should I tell her?" Of course, I wasn't going to fall for that. I was going to make him work for it. I want to be pursued and sought after. I'm not going to simply give over my heart. He has to deserve it. Not that he doesn't. But it sure makes a girl feel special.
Nevertheless, the subject kept coming up but neither of us would take it much further than that. Finally, around 1am Clint finally bit the bullet and announced that he would like to go out with me = dating = being in a relationship. I was elated. Quickly I responded that I had the same desire and from that moment we were dating/together/courting. Whatever you want to call it.
The rest of the evening was spent in finally asking those questions on our hearts and mind that we weren't able to ask, telling stories and revealing some emotions/thoughts/feelings that we'd kept hidden for safety, and taking moments just to watch one another and stare into each other's eyes. Oh.. it was lovely, pure heaven.

So that's the beginning, well not beginning, but another step and chapterette through the wonderful epic narrative that we are writing in our lives.

An Unexpected Blessing!

Last night was really a wonderful night with Clint. And this morning I've been spending a lot of time thinking and praying and trying to figure out what I should and should not do where Clint is concerned. Just seeking the Lord's will and getting my heart right. I'm at peace with where I'm at and wanting to rejoice and enjoy the season that I'm finding myself in.

Let's just cut to the chase shall we? I went to go exercise not too long ago and it really was a great work out. Ran a mile, did some weight lifting, and yet, I digress! On my way back to my apartment I walked by my car, why? I don't know. I just did. And I noticed something on the front windshield of my car. Odd... I didn't notice anything there when I walked out. As I made my way to the front of my car there was something laying on the window and a note stuck beneath the wiper blades. I almost couldn't believe it at first. Who in the world?! I pulled up the note that was addressed to me and with it wrapped in a little plastic wrapper was a single pink rose! Quickly I opened the note. It was written on a little Memo peice of paper. hehe. Before I even read it I checked to see who it was from. It was from Clint. I was so excited and so happy I almost started to cry. Before I ran upstairs to put the flower in water I read the note:

Anna Marie,
Hey there. I hope your having a great day. I just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed last night. And that I look forward to getting to know you better. Thanks for a great evening and I'll talk to you soon.
Clint

How freaking sweet is that?!?!? Isn't he the most adorable thing in the whole wide world next to kittens and baby duckies?! I am just so shocked and amazed by this. It is such an unexpected surprise. I have so rarely, if ever, been given such romantic and sweet gifts from a guy. I am so blessed to have Clint in my life.

The Sunday that was too long, and then ended too soon.

Being in a blossoming and new relationship is so exciting and at the same time it can be very agitating. Yesterday had to have been one of the longest days of my life. Seriously, I woke up at around 9ish and got ready for church. Did the whole church thing, which was wonderful and then came home. Tracey and I watched the Steelers game (who totally won and kicked the Colts butt!). And then I had about 3 hours to wait for 7 to roll around when I knew I would see Clint. Those three hours, were excruciating! I'm serious. I thought 7 would never come!

But when 7 o'clock finally came I was at church and there was Clint. We didn't say hi or talk until after service but that's ok because that allowed for me to focus on God and praise and learn. After service Clint went up to recieve prayer and I moved to where he and Tracey had been sitting and waited for him. It was very akward once he came back. Lately I've noticed that when I'm around him at the beginning I have a hard time opening up and talking. I just get so nervous. The fact that Tracey was standing there didn't help either. I was really hungry and wanted to ask Clint if he'd join me for dinner somewhere. But then Tracey stated that we needed to go to Walmart for groceries and Clint happened to need to go too, so we all went. As we walked out from church Clint was so freaking cute! He carried my bible for me and opened up doors for me. At first I almost just went through and opened my own doors but when I saw him make the effort, I couldn't very well not accept his generosity and kindness. He walked me to my car and then we parted to drive back to our apartment complex. You see... Tracey had made an elaborate plan on how we'd all get back to our apartments and then she'd drive Clint to his truck and then he'd come and pick us back up. Random and wierd, but funny.

Clint picked us up in his uberiffically hot Dodge truck and we all drove to Walmart. Then we all shopped. It was fun! Talking and shopping. Clint really only needed two things but he still went with us and even pushed my cart. I was a little embarrased because I was grabbing all sorts of things and just throwing them in the cart. I'd been gone for over 3 weeks and needed food! But oh well. Then there was the craziness of checking out which took forever. When I was finally done though, Clint had pulled up his truck to pick me up. So Sweet!

We all unpacked and unloaded. Clint was very helpful. He took the trash out for us, picked out a movie, and kept us company. I was very happy that he was there. I introduced him to Yellow-Tail Merlot and he and Tracey baked some pizzas. While the pizzas were in the oven I went to put a movie in. Clint had chosen Broken Arrow. Tracey sat in her big comfy chair which meant Clint was on the couch. In my mind I was pondering where on the couch would he sit. If he sat on one of the edges, I would then have to choose whether or not to sit next to him or be kind of stand off-ish and sit on the other end. Once the movie was in and I turned around, he had made the decision for me! He was sitting smack dab in the middle where my only option was to sit next to him. This overjoyed me to no end. Happily I planted myself next to him. Not too close.. but definately not too far either.

It was certainly a fun evening. I got to hang out more with my roommate which I think cements our bond more firmly as well as spend quality time in person with Clint. Halfway through the move Tracey went to bed because she was tired, she only had 2 hours of sleep from the previous night. So Clint and I finished the movie and then afterwards we half talked and half watched a part of a movie on t.v.

I couldn't stop admiring him. Not that he's the most handsomest guy in the world or anything. But, the more and more I learn about him, the more and more I grow to like him. Sometimes the things I learn frighten me, but I think it's only because part of me is still rather wordly. But then I look passed that and see just how amazing and wonderful those certain things are about him. I have met so few men like Clint, who hold such strong morals and a hunger and love for God.