Take that Zazel!

Claire and I got back at Zazel tonight. It was quite fun and I enjoyed every moment of it. We went to The Iron Post and I got to get my 'act' on. I sat there with Claire and the people we know. I wore all black and put on my most melancholy and sorrowful face. All evening I putzed around, glared at everyone around me, and grumbled and bitched. It was fantastic. We must have been there for a couple hours, really not doing much. I stormed around the bar at one point and Claire came up to talk to me and we had a 'fight.' It was fun. Then probably about 45 minutes later, she grabs me and drags me outside so we can 'finish our discussion.'

Once we were outside and out of view, we bolted to Nick's car and vandalized it. Not in a bad way of course. Basically we TP'ed it with Red Crepe Paper, stucks baseball stickers and baseballs pendants on it, Taped an "I believe in Angels" sign on the back window, and then tied angel wings to the back windshield wipers. hehehe!

If you don't know what I'm talking about. We're getting back at Nick for having totally embarrassed Claire because she lost a bet concerning a most recent series of games with the Chicago White Sox and the Anaheim Angels. Nonetheless, we left his vehicle decked out in Pro-Angels Attire.

Ahh.. don't you just love college?!

Verse of the Day

Hebrews 5: 11-14

11There is so much more we would like to say about this. But you don't seem to listen, so it's hard to make you understand. 12You have been Christians a long time now, and you ought to be teaching others. Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things a beginner must learn about the Scriptures.[c] You are like babies who drink only milk and cannot eat solid food. 13And a person who is living on milk isn't very far along in the Christian life and doesn't know much about doing what is right. 14Solid food is for those who are mature, who have trained themselves to recognize the difference between right and wrong and then do what is right.

I was reading this passage, just because I hadn't read the Bible in a couple of days. And I wasn't really thinking of anything much. Quietly inside me I thought, "Holy Spirit, do you have something for me today? Father, will you speak to me through this passage?" And sure enough, He did. It's amazing at how awesome God is. I wasn't even really trying, but my Father knew exactly what I needed.... a good kick in the butt. If you're like me and have recently been neglecting the Lord, let's pray together.

"Father.. please forgive me for my thoughtlessness. I have gotten so caught up with this world and have pushed you aside. I know that I should spend more time seeking after you and yet, my flesh is weak. Help me to be strong, to be more disciplined, and to focus on you more. For I know that when I do, life is always grand and I am at peace because of your awesome love. Thank you for your forgiveness and the sacrifice and grace you have given me. I love you Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Amen."

Quote of the Day

"If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words."

Lazy Day Morning

The radio blasts on, it's 7 o'clock in the morning. Before your eyes even open you take note of the time, the temperature, and your environment. Your mind tells you it's 7 because you specifically remember setting your alarm for 7. But it seems too dark to be 7, maybe something happened and it's really 7 pm, and not am. No, that can't have happened. It must be 7 in the morning. Ugh... not only does it feel too early, your body tells you it's too early.

How warm the quilt feels wrapped around you. How soft the pillow is beneath your sleep head. You haven't moved and you don't want to, expect perhaps to cuddle your favorite stuffed animals close to you. Even this small movement reverberates the grandeur as to how wonderful the blankets and pillows feel that envelope you. You want to stay here.. stay forever. Not even wanting to fall back asleep so much but simply to enjoy the magnificent feeling of warmth, safety, comfort, and some how.. love. Why is this so wonderful? Perhaps subconsciously it reminds us of being in the womb. Deep down inside we remember what it is like to be swaddled like a baby, when there wasn't a care in the world. When life consisted of nothing more than eating, sleeping, and being cuddled.When life was simple.

You lay there, defying the voice screaming in your head to get up because you have to get to class. Your lack of movement... a non-aggressive resistance to returning to the outside world. You battle and rage against time. But it's inevitable. You open your eyes and slowly, akwardly rise, leaving your sanctuary and your comfort below.

What I want...

Ben and I went to see the invited dress for "Nine," the show I've been working on. The show went well and the showgirls looked great. Now, I do kind of like the show but then again i don't really. Some of the songs are good, the acting was good, the costumes were fabulous, and the set was kicking it, but what I don't really like is the content.

"Nine" is basically about this italian director who is struggling with coming up with an idea for another film. In the midst of this struggle he's juggling his 'love' for three women, his wife, his lover, and some actress. During some of the songs and such they have the women singing and dancing around Guido and all adoring him and a bunch of bullshit like that. I'm sorry, but that is just ridiculous and stupid. It makes me want to vomit how this man is loved by all these women and it portrays the way men are today. They expect us to just fall head over heels in love with them yet, expect to give us nothing in return expect the occasion romp in the sack. And I'm sorry, but that just isn't enticing in the least bit.

During intermission, Ben asked me why I didn't like the play and I tried to explain it to him. I do realize I have this cynical outlook on love and am quite wary when it comes to men. Yes I generalize, but I honestly haven't had any good examples of a faithful, honest, loving, and devoted man. What is a girl to expect then?

Ben then proceeded to question why I have this need to be in a relationship to make me.. what was it.. whole.. or was it happy? Either way. The truth is, I don't need to be in a relationship to be whole or happy. I'm just fine without one. In fact, I'm quite peachy! The past few months, year and a half, i've learned how to live quite happily being single, and learned how much I do love being single. I've been in some pretty craptastic relationships which have really opened my eyes. And I can say being in those relationships, I was much more miserable than when I was single.

It just sucks though. Because I was in this great part of my life and then BAM. I got struck by cupids stupid little heart pointed arrows. I wanted to be in love again. And I met Ben. Bah.... I want to be back in my life where I was happy being single and stuff. I don't want to be in love or in a relationship b/c it takes too much time and I should focus and all that. But then... deep down, I do want to be loved. Is that so wrong? But I don't want to be in a wrong relationship.. I want to be in the right relationship.

Le sigh... love is so freaking complicated.

He was really sweet though. We were outside and it was really cold and he let me wear his hoodie. And he let me rest my head on his shoulder during the show and such and didn't shy away or anything. I'm glad that we're getting to a point where we can hang out and I can touch him without getting all wierd. I hope he doesn't think I'm making advances but just friendly. Perhaps he should talk to Eric or Poe. They would be able to tell him that I'm touchy when I'm really close with certain friends. Meh.

"Nine" and Projects

Hello my lovelies.. just a little update.I know I haven't been writing much the past week and such but I'm busily working on our production of "Nine" and I have midterms and a lot 'o' projects coming up. So if I haven't responded to an e-mail, returned a pone call, or something to that nature, I'm sorry. I'm just kind of busy, sleep deprived, and insane at the moment. But don't forget, I still love you and will soon be back to my crazy antics. Give me a week or two.

**hugs to all.. and kisses to some others**