The Zoo brings the animal out in me!

Today, Brek took me to the Zoo. We had talked about the Zoo randomly before and seen different advertisements for it. A few weeks back I got an e-mail from Brek. He had heard enough and wanted to go to the Zoo! hehehe. So we planned to go. Today was that day! I got to his place early, about 9:30. I wore a white T-shirt because hey, we were going to be in the hot Texas summer sun all morning and into the afternoon! Plus I got to wear my cute short black sports skirt. Hella cute. Always have to be cute. Nonethess, I arrived and we set off on our wild adventure to the Zoo. As we trecked through Ft. Worth, Breck showed me exactly where he worked, driving by his office, then he stopped at this cute little cafe where we had breakfast. (Ha! Take that Mom! I had told her we were going to the Zoo and then going to have lunch and she smuggly replied, "He's not taking you to breakfast?".. "Umm.. no.") Well he did! It was quite the surprise. We arrived at the Zoo shortly after opening. Already there were many families out. Brek is such a gentleman. I was more than willing to pay for my ticket, I had mentioned that I had stopped by the ATM earlier to drop the hint that I was going to pay for myself. But he wouldn't have it. Ok! We had a wonderful time at the Zoo! We got to see monkeys, and Orangutans (Brek's favorite), the meerkats were all out playing, all the animals were out and being fed. We came at the perfect time! As we walked by the Leliphant (elephant) area, this ginormous leliphant came stomping out. He walked into his own little pool of water. I giggled and said, "Ok.. now sit and roll around." And he did! Brek and I laughed as the leliphant splashed around in the pool. It was quite opportunistic.
We saw the rhinos and hippotatimous's (hippos), but they were quite boring. But we did get to see the Tigers. The once small white tiger cubs had now grown into jueveniles (sp?), and were wrestling and fighting with one another. It was kewl. I love the tigers. Then came the Lions. I was excited because the lions were advertised to have new baby lion cubs. We didn't see the cubs, no one saw them, I don't think most people new that they were supposed to be there. I was a little disappointed. Just seeing the 'mother' lion sitting in the corner wasn't what I was expecting. As we walked away, I turned back just to have one more look .. and there they were!! The two cubs were hiding behind the mother far back in the corner. I grabbed Brek and pointed them out. The cute little things were just taking a nap and unless you really looked, you couldn't see them. This made me quite happy. Yay! I got to see the Lion Cubs! We saw a lot of animals.. made a lot of jokes.. and had a great time. I even got to see my beloved River Otter! It was taking a nap as always, but it was still way cuters. I really loved going to the Zoo with Brek. Of course the entire time I was there made me think of the previous times I'd been to the Zoo and the people I had gone with. Sure I was thinking a lot of Brek, he was there with me and I like him a lot. Seeing couples walk hand in hand isn't easy when you're with someone you want, but can't have. Nonetheless, at times I though of Rick, glad that he is out of my life. But for the most part, I though of Jacob. Jacob and I had been to the Zoo before, it was our first and only 'date.' I don't know why I've been thinking of him lately. This sucks.

We left the Zoo around 1:30. We had had a good time but were ready to eat lunch. He took me to a little Chinese Restaurant in Ft. Worth and introduced me to these little doughnut hole type things. They were good! I can still taste them now. After we ate, we went back to his apt. We were pretty tired from walking around in the sun all morning and took a small 15 minute nap on his couch. This nap was different from the other's we've had. I curled up in a ball at the end of the couch, and he lay down on the couch with his head resting on a pillow I was clutching. We didn't cuddle, we didn't hold each other. I just rested my head on his and his on the pillow laying on my tummy. It was a short nap, but a much needed one. Once we awoke, we changed and went swimming! I love to Swim! Have I told you how hot Brek is? Good Lord.... yum. **melts** Oh man.. he is so good looking and has a great body. I shouldn't be looking, but I can't help it. **blushes** There were other people at the pool so it was nice. We splashed around a little bit and talked a little. I bit him, alot. How can you not bite something so wonderful?! I left quite the impression too.. literally. I got an e-mail from him when I got home saying how he had four bite marks left on his back and shoulders. Hehehe.. I'm bad. We didn't stay out there too long but it was fun. Back inside we plopped down on the couch again and watched Gilmore Girls. It's an interesting show. Brek loves it. Another thing that he has introduced me to. Sadly, the day waxed on and Brek had plans for the evening. I didn't want to leave, I wanted to spend the rest of the day with him. But, I knew we couldn't. We did have fun and I enjoy all the time we get to spend together. Le sigh.

Questionaire thing.. I've never done one before!

-- UNIQUE --
1. Nervous Habits? Bite my pinky nail
2. Are you double jointed? No
3. Can you roll your tongue? Yes
4. Can you raise one eyebrow? Yes
5. Can you blow spit bubbles? Yes
6. Can you cross your eyes? Yes
7. Tattoos? Yes. A little butterfly and a cross. Hoping to get more!
8. Piercings and where? My earlobes and one cartilage
9. Do you make your bed daily? What for.. you're just going to sleep in it again and mess the covers up anyway.

-- CLOTHES --
10. Which shoe goes on first? I'm thinking the left
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? Probably a slipper just for fun.
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet? anywhere between $0-$20.
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? My black/pink bracelts (12), my Jesus Ring, and my cartilage piercing stud.
14. Favorite piece of clothing? my jean skirt.


-- FOOD --
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl it, duh. Who cuts their spaghetti?!
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? Spam Spam Spam Spam.. Spam Spam Spam Spam! Yes.
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? depends. I jump back and forth from Strawberry, Rocky Road, and Cookies and Cream.
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? We have cereal?
19. What's your favorite beverage? Water
20. What's your favorite restaurant? Chilis
21. Do you cook? I try.

-- GROOMING --
22. How often do you brush your teeth? Every morning and most nights.
23. Hair drying method? I help it with a bit of towel patting, after that it's on its own.
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? Yep.

-- MANNERS --
25. Do you swear? Lately I have been.. but I'm trying to cut back.
26. Do you ever spit? gross, no!

-- WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE --
27. Animal? Sea Otter
28. Food? Pizza!
29. Season? Fall
30. Day? Sunday, "that's my fun day"
31. Cartoon? Simpsons
32. Shoe Brand? Sketchers
33. Subject in school? Sciences
34. Color? Black, Purple, Blue, Green and some Reds.
35. Sport? Hockey

Firsts:
First job: Sales Associate at Ross. **sobs**
First screen name: Lash67
First funeral: My grandpa
First pet: I think we had a fish.
First piercing/tattoo: My ear lobes when i was a baby. I don't remember it.
First credit card: 18
First real kiss: Last year! ... that sounds kind of sad.
First love: Aaron
First enemy: Lacrisha.. she used to push me around a lot.
First favorite musician: I was all about Amy Grant as a kid.. I don't know why.

Lasts:
Last car ride: About an hour ago.
Last kiss: Breck
Last library book checked out: Some fish books .. I was designing a play.
Last book you read: Kiss Dating Goodbye, Say Hello to Courting.
Last movie watched: The Chronicles of Riddick
Last beverage drank: Water
Last food consumed: Popcorn Shrimp!
Last time showered: 4 hours ago.
Last CD played: Depeche Mode
Last website visited: Hotmail

Now:
Single or Taken: Single
Birthday: Jan. 29th, 1983
Sign: Aquarious
Siblings: Samuel
Hair color: Dark Dark Brown. NOT BLACK!
Eye color: ugly brown.
Shoe size: 9-10
Height: 5'7"
Right now what are you wearing: A Christmas Story Tee and my green short skirt

Am I a Bad Person?

Last night I went to a party with my brother. There were a few people there I knew and who I consider my friends. However, there were also people who I would prefer not to spend any time with whatsoever. Most of these people tend to be younger, between 17-21. They are very immature, self centered, 'pretty', and preppy. For about an hour and a half of the party, I sat curled up in a big comfy couch by myself and watched music videos. Jonathan had invited me upstairs with everyone else, and I had gone, but I was there for about 5 minutes and couldn't stand it. So I ventured back to the safety of the comfy chair. Like I said, I sat there for about an hour and half. I was quite sleepy by then and the effects of alcohol was slowly wearing away. I decided I would leave at about 1:30 so I could go to bed. But then Sam, Jill, and Danni wanted to go swimming. I figured, why not?! Jill let me borrow one of her bathing suits and we went for a swim. It was nice. I love the water. Sometimes I think I should have been born a fish. It was fun. This was that small group of people I enjoyed hanging out with and didn't mind staying longer. Of course since I was more tired.. about an hour into it, I was exhausted and ready to go home.

Sam came over today for lunch as usual. I love my brother, but there are so many things about him that bother me sometimes. The way he talks to me sometimes is really rude and disrespectful. For the most part I don't mind and I know he's kidding, but there are those rare occasions when I'm just not in the mood and it hurts. I suppose today was one of those days. Last night he was showing Jill and Lisa his flyers for his upcoming show. Artistically they are good.. but my conscious was disturbed. The flyer is posted above. (If you're interested, please come to the show.. it's going to ROCK!) I just don't like it. I think it's embarassing, degrading, and giving a wrong image of what Sam should be representing. I see his life and I know he is trying, but I don't think he's doing what he should be doing.

It's fine to go to parties and hang out with your friends, it's ok to drink on occasion, it's ok to have a drink a day, it's ok to go dancing, it's ok to listen to and appreciate different types of music, it's ok to have lots of friends, it's ok to have friends of the opposite sex. I however don't think it's ok to get smashed two to three times a week, I've even been feeling convicted and don't want to get drunk anymore. Perhaps once in a blue moon, but not often! I don't think that it's good to get drunk with your buddies and then get naked. That just leads to thoughts and things happening. I don't think it's good to be going to parties practically every night and neglecting your work or to deny yourself rest to make up for your extravagancies. I don't agree with dating several people at once. I don't agree with premarital sex, and I don't think that just because you don't go 'all the way' it's still ok. I don't like the idea of men who think it's ok for girls to like girls, or girls dating other girls. It's just gross! It's perversion! I don't like guys who lust after women for their bodies and talk about simply how 'hot' a girl is. Sure they could be talking about her personality that makes her so attractive, but the context I'm referring to is the lustfull.

I don't want you to think that this all has to do with Sam. Some of it does apply, some of it comes from my own experience, and some of it comes from other people I know or have observed. I don't know.. something is going on with my heart and things are changing. This blog has gone a totally new direction than from what I was meaning to talk about. When Sam came over today for lunch, we talked a little about the party. He looked at me and told me I was boring last night. I played it off like I had simply been tired, but I knew he meant it. That hurt. I can't help that I don't approve of the type of people he chooses to hang out with and their lifestyles. Does that make me a bad person? I know I'm not better than them, I have my own faults as well. If I don't want to spend my time with people who annoy or aggravate me, then I think I shouldn't have to. If that makes me a prude, stuck up, or stand offish.. then I guess that's what I am.

Swimming and Talking

I went over to Brek's today. We'd been wanting to have our 'talk' and since plans fell through for Saturday, we had it today. He was so exhausted from working all weekend he called in sick and invited me over to go swimming. He didn't get up till noon which is really bad for Brek. He's used to getting up hella early and he thinks if he sleeps in past 10, that's a whole day wasted. So I got there around 2 and we watched Gilmore Girls for a while. That is a really good show! I quite enjoyed it. I might have to start watching it now. Oh! I learned one of his tickle spots. His feet are way ticklish! It was hilarious! I just happened to rub up against the bottom of his foot and he flipped out. Mwa ha ha! Then Brek did more laundry (I guess he needed to do laundry really bad) and we kind of stared at each other for a bit. Finally, we went swimming. That was one of the whole reasons I was there and I was wondering if we were ever going to go swim. We did.

Now I really don't like my body and I didn't want him to see me in my bathing suit. It's a two peice, boy shorts with a strapless tube top thingy. I actually look alright in it, but I could look so much better. I should really start working out again. I want to get a better top, something that covers more stomach and one of those swim bottoms with the skirt attached to it. I just look better in skirts. Nonetheless, we went swimming. Have I mentioned how hot Brek is? I mean.. damn! He is incredibly yummy! How a guy like that is attracted to me.. the Lord only knows! He's got these wonderfully strong arms, and his back! **melts** Oh so scrumptios. He's a masterpiece. I wish I looked half as good as he does. mmmm. Brek... **Drools** hehehe. O.k., back to the swimming. We swam around and talked. Just chilling. He teased me a lot, threatening me with dead june bugs and the like. I splashed him and pushed him against the hot brick wall. We just kind of messed around and floated around. Nothing exciting. He might throw a big Friday the 13th Birthday Party at his place, which I think would be hella awesome! His birthday is August the 6th. I wonder if I should get him anything. **ponders** Intriguing.

After about an hour and a half of swimming we headed back inside. We both changed and then plopped on the couch. We really weren't out there for very long but we were both drained. **shakes her fist at the sun** Meh... It was time to have our talk. It was something I didn't want to do, but it was something that had to be done. I didn't want to ruin what we had. So I took my mother's advice and let him speak first. I wanted to know how he felt and what he was going through. Basically he talked about how he was so confused and he was being stubborn. He knew he hadn't been doing what he should. He likes me a alot, he's attracted to me, and he has so much fun whenever he spends time with me. But of course, he isn't doing what he should, and he knows it deep down in his heart. I then told him everything I had been feeling; such as the whole being exactly like my relationship with David, my selfish feelings and desires, my hurt and pain. It's nice to know that he listens and he understands. We both realize as much as we want it to work out, we both know it's not going to. In the long run, I'm going to grad. school next year. I'm more than likely going to be half way across the country if not on the other end of it. He doesn't want to stand in the way of my career. He says I have a talent, a gift, and I have to pursue it. It's nice to be able to find someone who understands me so well, and appreciates me so much. But it's true... in the long run, there would be too many complications. That's one of the things that helps me when I think about it. It still hurts, but I know it'll get easier.

We set boundaries.
1. It's o.k. to casually hold each other while we're out in public (i.e. The Church or whatever) We can put an arm around one another like buddies do. We can hug each other when we greet or say bye to each other, or if the other one is hurting and needs a hug. However, we can't hold each other too closely, caress each other, or anything like that.
2. Hello and Goodbye kisses are allowed. "Making-out" is not.
3. It's ok to grab one another by the hand if trying to get through a crowded group of people or not wanting to lose the other. It however is not kewl to hold hands while walking down the street or for extended periods of time.
4. If we're having a movie night or just crashing on the couch, it's o.k. to rest one's head on the other's shoulder, lap, tummy as long as it's done in a friendly fashion. I don't know if cuddling is allowed, but I'm sure it's not.
5. Biting is allowed! Unless accompanied with nibbling, licking, or kissing.
6. It's o.k. for me to sit in Brek's lap. It is not, however, okay for me to sit on top of Brek and straddle him.

It was a good talk. We're going to be good buddies and friends for a long time. I'm glad that I have him as a friend. Lord, give me strength.