Tragedy again!

So yeah... I was really really happy and excited about Jay Jay (Jacob). He liked me and it seemed that me dream would come to life. I mean it's one thing to go out on dates, it's another to have a boyfriend, it's totally different to be in a steady relationship, and nothing compares to when you're with the one you'll be with forever. I was thinking I might get that last one. Jacob is such a great guy, someone any girl would be proud to have. Maybe someday I will be with him, but it seems that today is not that day. After visiting him at work I was very worried that Jacob would not see me with his newly found 'heart shaped' glasses. Hence the recent song/poem. And later on tonight those worries were not dispelled, yet not confirmed. He does see as being a great person and I suppose if he was ready to date I would definately be one of the candidates. According to what he's said, he hasn't been able to enjoy the single life. Just living on ones own and being single. I have to respect that b/c that's where I've been lately and where I'm about to go. Though it did hurt me so much.. I had hoped to never have to feel that pain again. N*E*Ways... I have to respect what he needs and that is what I'm going to give him. If I do truly love care for him, his needs and desires come before mine. Besides.. there's still time.

Loving and Longing

I saw you for the first time in a long time.
We stuttered and stammered with nothing to say.
For one short moment I was staring,
But quickly you looked away.

When in your arms will you hold me?
When will will your eyes see beauty?
When with your words speak sweetly?
When will you be loving and longing for me?

With time passing and things to do,
We said our good-byes in a simple hug.
You walked away, left me standing,
With tears in my eyes, over you.

When in your arms will you hold me?
When will your eyes see beauty?
When with your words speak sweetly?
(As I do for you) When will you be loving and longing for me?
[Repeat]

Copyright, 2003.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yay Yay. Yesterday was Thanksgiving and what a lovely day it was indeed. Sam, Kelly, and I drove over to Lubbock to be with our relatives. Sam was very excited b/c he hadn't been there in over 7 years. We got home last night, probably a little before 9. But this blog really isn't about how I spent my thanksgiving but to say what I am thankful for.
Thank you Jesus for all that you have done for me. I look at my life and realize that it really hasn't been bad at all, it has been quite marvelous! There is so much to be thankful for.
I am saved by Christ! That is the most important thing and I don't think I could ever in my lifetime express the great blessing that it is. Jesus was crucified and washed away all sins for me. To know that as he suffered he thought of me and loved me brings me to tears. Thank you Jesus.
Secondly, I'm thankful for my family. Alot of times I grumble and complain about them, but I do love them so dearly. From my parents to my brother and sister-in-law, to my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, all the way down to my family that may not even be blood relatives. They have stood behind me through thick and thin and have never stopped loving me.
Thirdly I am so blessed with such good friends. There have been so many times when I've been so downtrodden b/c I felt that I had no one when all the time they were right there for me. It isn't the quantity of friends that a person has, but the quality in the friendship with those around you. I hope and pray that the Lord will just overly bless all my friends (and enemies) and give them the desires of their hearts.
I'm thankful for the beauty and kindness that the Lord has endowed upon me. He made me special and to this day and forever will continue to shape me and mold me. I thank Him for all the talents that he has given me, for the desire to pursue my dreams, and the strength to carry them through.
I thank God for the love I feel in my life. I have experienced such pain throughout the years but all this pain is nothing when compared to God's love. And not just His love, but the love that I will have from the 'One' He made for me. I have faith to know that that man will love me like I've never been loved before and vice versa. We will be one in Christ, our love centered on Christ, and our lives directed in the puruit of Christ.

There are many other things and people that I am thankful for.. too many to be noted. But all the same, Thank you. I hope that everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving and take time to remember what this holiday season is all about. To all, A Happy Holiday and lots of love and huggles!

Who would have known?

Tonight is one of those "oh my gosh i never would have thought," kind of nights. Everything was going as usual: Me sewing something, chatting with buddies online, and listening to music. On and off I'm talking with Jacob, us flirting like crazy (which seems to be a recurrin theme lately). You all remember Jacob don't you? He's the Walmart guy, friend of my bro who ushered at his wedding, went to the Zoo with me, the one I like to tease alot on here, Jacob. Yeah you remember. Anyways... at some point the mood changes and I can tell he's thinking something. It seems like he wants to discuss something but Mom comes home and I run off to help her unload groceries. That takes about 30 minutes (taking them out of the car didn't take that long but then we had to reorganize the fridge and pantry which does take some time). When I get back Jay Jay (as I like to call him nowadays) is talking to a friend on the phone and that gives me time to do some of my sewing. We get back into the groove of chatting, well not really b/c there are alot of pauses and akward silences. The silences were akward for me, for Jay Jay, I'm not sure. So finally he gets down to it:

JayJay: Can I talk to you about something?
Me: Of course.
Jay Jay: Well... for the past couple of day you've been on my mind. (I have?! omg!) And I've always known that you are a beautiful person, but it's like lately I've been seeing it more and more. (He thinks I'm beautiful, not just outside, but inside too! Yay) The light bulb has finally turned on and I actually "see" you. (aww) And there are these feelings I have.
Me: **beam**
Jay: This is the point where I start stuttering and you are supposed to know what I mean...
Me: Yeah, but a girl likes to hear it.
JayJay: **frown**aww ok.
Me: Can I be honest?
JayJay: Yes.. PLEASE!
Me: Lately you've been on my mind alot too. And I've had those feelings too but since the first moment I saw you. **twitch twitch**
JayJay: Wow.

Afterwards there was alot of excitement, butterflies, not knowing what to say, being flushed and jittery (on both sides). Goodness this is so exciting. JayJay says he's never felt like this before b/c he's never had someone to recipricate the feelings ( now i just don't understand that one). He got my digits and asked me on what I'm going to assume is a date. He's taking me to Six Flags Holiday in the Park. Very exciting! So that was my evening. Yay Jesus!

Quote of the Day: ME: "Holiday in the Park-> That's like Fright Fest but with Snow and Santa Clause."