The Six Hour Phone Call

Now that you know a little bit of my history with Bob we can discuss what happened last night. For the past month now Bob and I have been dating. Only a few people know this, approximately 5 (not including whomever Bob told). Now we aren't in a serious dating relationship b/c of how far apart we live. It's just an hour, but for a college student and a guy with car problems and a job, its not that easy to see eachother. For the whole year that we've known each other, I can honestly say we've seen one another 3 times. The first obviously when we met, the second when we sort of ran into each other one night at the club, and the last time was a month ago when we decided to date. We decided to date b/c hey, we have great conversation and we like each other. The only thing is that it's non-exclusive so we can be fair.

Anyways... I finally got Bob on the phone last night and what a talk we had. I called him around 9 o'clock at night and we didn't get off until about 3 o'clock in the morning. We talked about a lot of stuff. I love talking to Bob. He has the cutest, most sweetest voice ever! And he really listens and is funny and has so many interesting stories to tell. Not only that, he is so nice to me. He tells me how pretty I am and how different I am from other girls. He makes me feel so happy at times, its amazing. I think the main thing was our relationship. We tended to talk "hypothetically" alot. Example: "Hypothetically" if we were to seriously date..." "Hypothetically, if we were to get married..."

** Now I've always been brought up to be independent of men. Plus I've never had a boyfriend or anything so I have pretty low self-esteem. So I have this emotional baggage. I'm not psycho or anything..well let me explain.** So I don't really find myself attractive, but Bob thinks I am. And of course when he tells me I'm pretty or something I usually say "Yeah right.." So I'm sure that frustrates him. And since we started dating, i've been very skeptical about his true feelings for me. He seems to really care about me and want to be with me and tells me so, but I just can't believe him no matter what! I mean, I've heard constantly from my mother how men will do nothing but lie to you. What if she isn't wrong? Aren't mother's usually right? It's hard to know what to believe. Either I believe Bob, or I believe my mother. What a decision. The main thing is I'm sort of scared. I don't want my mother to be right about this, but then again it scared me if Bob really feels this way. 'Cause then, he really truly cares for me. What am i supposed to do then?! I have never had a relationship and I don't know what to do. I don't want to screw it up or anything. And I'm afraid also of hurting him, or him hurting me. PAIN SUCKS! **sighs** Bah! I'm just rambling now. I just don't know what to think, or what to feel. I want to be with Bob, and he says he wants to be with me.Am I to take the chance? Do I put my heart out on the line? Do I carpe diem?

A Little Past History

Ok so you have to know right now that about a year ago I totally changed my lifestyle. Sometimes it's not noticable, but it's there. See I had just turned 18 and my brother wanted to celebrate by taking me to this club that he likes to go to called "The Church" (aka The Lizard Lounge) in Deep Ellum. Now I was excessively nervous! We got all gothed out and were ready. I had no idea what to expect, it was my first time to go dancing. Upon arriving I was in awe of the place. Though it is unbelievably smokey and deafeningly loud, its a fabulous place. There are so many interesting people there, I love it. Well I was really shy so I sort sat on the sidelines and watched everyone else. Sort of taking in the atmosphere and observing. I danced for like one song b/c I knew what it was. GO DEPECHE MODE! (Of course I still love APOP!! They are still my favorite) Anyways... after that I was stuck back in my seat, embarrassed and frightened as ever! Then I saw him! He was wearing this wonderfully handsome black suit and what really caught my eye, was his black cape. I watched him dance for a while and realized how cute he was. **giggles** I finally was convinced with my new motto "CARPE DIEM" , to go dance near him so that he might notice me. I don't quite know if he did or not, but towards the end of the night we were getting ready to leave and well... Carpe Diem! I marched myself right up to that galant guy and introduced myself. We talked, we danced, exchanged numbers, and have been friends ever since. In fact we talk quite a bit. Probably we talk on the phone at least three-four times a month. Not bad eh? And that is how I met my friend Bob.

The Band that Has Stolen My Heart

One of the best bands that ever graced the ears of all with their music has to be Apoptygma Berzerk. Oh my gosh they have some of the best music I have ever heard and the lead singer, Stephen Groth, FWA FWA!! **purrs** hehehe. I am so serious! I remember going to my favorite club "The Church" (aka The Lizard Lounge) when I first heard their song Eclipse. This is a great song to dance to. It has a great beat and wonderful words to sing along with. But I never really payed any attention at first. Soon my brother's birthday came around and he wanted the Apoptygma Berzerk DVD of their 2000 tour. I of course being the great sister I am bought it for him, not realizing the great treasure I would soon discover. A few weeks later I went to visit my brother and we watched the DVD together. I loved the lighting effects, the songs were all wonderful, and then I saw him, Stephen Groth. Now in the DVD for the most part he has this aweful white hair thing going on, but when he is on stage he is so unbelievably gorgeous, not to mention the great voice he possesses. I continued to watch the DVD, being quite enthralled, when they begin to play this beautiful song called Kathy's Song. Now I have no idea who this Kathy person is, but she is one lucky lady. My heart just melted when I heard this delightful love song and I was hooked. Immediately I began seatching the web for pictures of this hottie and his band. I quickly acquired my own collection of the Apop Cd's and have been listening to them for quite some time now. I think my brother said it best when he called me an "Apop Freak!" LOL. I suppose I am.
Raivyn Fitz

An Easy "A"

Alright, So today I had my first exam in my Astronomy class. Right.... it was actually scheduled for last friday, but hey things happen. Before I go into the test I must say that this Astronomy class is a peice of cake! The lectures can be a drag at times, but really, it isn't too bad. You would think that it being 6 weeks or so into the semester we'd be discussing the planet, stars, or something to that effect. But unfotunately no! We had an entire lecture over what the word "Civilization" means... and if you don't know, let me help you. It means "Wall Building!" That's it!! So far we've discussed the pyramids and of course the great Stone Henge. As much as I love these topics, a whole week for each subject is not what I call fun. I mean goodness gracious! *sighs* Then we've been talking about the Greeks and the Nicholas Copernicus and the Church. Can be interesting at times oh yeah. But he (my professor) says nothing of importance and then two days before the test he lays it on us with pages upon pages of endless notes! Hey! We could have been doing this three weeks ago! But what are you going to say to a man who is the spitting image of Einstein and announces the start of class with the pop of his soda can? Meh life will go on. So we had our test today, err actually we didn't. You see the "Copy" people couldn't get the papers right (again!) so being the nice guy our professor is, we didn't have to take the exam and everyone made an "A"! Now that totally kicks! :) Yeah.. I think I'm going to pass this class with no problem. Heh heh.. i just feel sorry for the guys who are taking the class right before mine. You should see the work they have to do! LOL! Oh well... I got an "A" and I'm happy.
Raivyn Fitz

Well I saw that my friend had one of these and I figured it would be good. I could use this to write and try to express myself. I can use it as a journal. I think this is much more convenient than a journal since I'm always on the computer anyways! LOL. I think this will be something kewl and very useful. So for starters I just want to be open and express my own person. I am a unique individual. I love Jesus with all my heart and am glad to be a christian. Right now I'm studying Technical Theatre at the University of North Texas. I have to say I'm excessively shy, i don't know why, I just am. But hopefully with a little work I will get over it. That will take some time, but I have plenty right now. Something that seems to amaze people is how diverse I am. I love just about everything and find pleasure in lots of activites. I mean its so odd.. one night I could be cheering with the best of them at some sporting event, the next you could find me attending a play or opera of some sort, a couple days later I'll be singing happily along at a Nine Inch Nails concert, while some nights I like cuddling up on the couch with a good book, etc etc etc. My music taste doesn't falter far from this pattern either. I love most music from oldies to punk rock to R&B to christian to Industrial to classical. LOL! Now there are some people who will say "Yeah that Anna Marie is quite a strange person." All i can do is smile and nod, because you know what? It's true. But don't take my word for it... find out for yourself.
Raivyn Fitz ( oh for you who don't know.. that's my writer's name)