Thoughts in my head...

**Before reading the following blog I'd like to remind you all that this is simply my own thoughts, opinions, and observations. These of course are not absolute truths but just generalizations. Enjoy!**

I went through so many different concepts and ideas for a title to title this blog, but nothing seemed quite right. What I've been thinking so much about are people, men and women, what women want, and how they relate.

What is it that women really want in a man? When we do decide what it is that we long for... is it even possible to acquire it? I've dated quite a wide variety of guys, my friends have dated different ranges as well, and I've watched oodles upon oodles of Romantic movies. And still I'm not sure.

There is of course the typical stereotype that a girls tend to fall for the bad boys. Why is that exactly? Well,... the 'bad boy' is very confident, he's adventurous, strong, challenging, and usually extremely cute. Unfortunately these type of men tend to be full of trouble, unable to control certain masculine urges, unfaithful, and have very little emotional depth.

But don't women want a sensitive caring man who they can talk to and who is not afraid to cry? Why yes! These men are attractive in their own way because we can relate to them and they will focus much love and devotion our way. Needless to say however, the downfall of these men is that they are not particularly strong when it comes to succeeding in this cut-throat day and age. They have very subserviant demeanors while they are devoted to women, they are more devoted to their mothers.

There are good things and bad things about both these kinds of men. More often than not a woman will fall for the bad boy and once he's broken her heart she'll find a sensative guy to love her. As for me.. I've been there and done that. Though with me I find that during my 'sensative' guy phase.. I'm usually still extremely angry and will inevitably hurt that person.

I am a predator. I prey on the weak letting them do for me what I will and once I'm tired of them or they no longer serve my purpose, I dispose of them. Mind you, I've not always been that way. It's a rather recent development. Recent meaning past couple of years. I won't blame any one person but explain it as a result of many situations and circumstances. Plus, I'm partially responsible for it myself.

Being back in Illinois I've had a great many opportunites to meet new guys and be reaquainted with old ones. I'm finding that I'm becoming better and better at deciding what it is that I like and dislike in a guy. I find a guy who is self confident (but not egotistical) very appealing. The way a person carries theirself is key. A man with a sense of humor and intellect also is important. Someone who can make me laugh and who can carry a conversation with me is awesome. In conversation I do not mean discussing the weather or how our days were, but real subjects with a deeper understanding. (actually talking with me about the weather is great.. i love the weather. You get my point though.)

I want a man who will respect me as an individual but also as a woman. Understand that I can do things on my own. I'm an independant person and I can do things for myself. While I would like a man to share my life with, I don't need a man for anything. I'm just as capable. Yet, part of me is still old fashioned and I do enjoy having the door opened for me and such, but there is a manner in which one does these things. Fumbling and running to do so is not cool. I don't need a man to fawn all over me or to sit at my feet. I need a man who will stand beside me and who is just as strong as me.

I also would like a man who knows how to have fun. I'm finding that by dating christian guys, while they are very sweet, kind, and all that sugary coated goodness, they tend to be rather dull. I've never been able to open up to Joe or Clint about my dancing and not in a million years would they ever go with me, let alone dance. I love concerts, I love music, I love hiking and kayaking. I love tattoos. I want to travel the world and venture to new places. But most of these guys, just want to settle down and have families. I am NOT one of those girls. So I've tried dating secular, non-christian guys. While they do tend to be more outgoing, have endless amounts of body art, and enjoy the same great music that I do.. sadly they require things of me which I'm not willing to give them. Therefore I'm back to square one.

So is it possible for women like myself to find a man with these unique and diverse attributes? I've only found one who was really really close but he did no love me enough and was not willing to leave Texas with me. Will I find another man like that someday?

Perhaps....

Thoughts running through my mind... Current mood: pondering **Before reading the following blog I'd like to remind you all that this is simply my own thoughts, opinions, and observations. These of course are not absolute truths but just generalizations. Enjoy!** I went through so many different concepts and ideas for a title to title this blog, but nothing seemed quite right. What I've been thinking so much about are people, men and women, what women want, and how they relate. What is it that women really want in a man? When we do decide what it is that we long for... is it even possible to acquire it? I've dated quite a wide variety of guys, my friends have dated different ranges as well, and I've watched oodles upon oodles of Romantic movies. And still I'm not sure. There is of course the typical stereotype that a girls tend to fall for the bad boys. Why is that exactly? Well,... the 'bad boy' is very confident, he's adventurous, strong, challenging, and usually extremely cute. Unfortunately these type of men tend to be full of trouble, unable to control certain masculine urges, unfaithful, and have very little emotional depth. But don't women want a sensitive caring man who they can talk to and who is not afraid to cry? Why yes! These men are attractive in their own way because we can relate to them and they will focus much love and devotion our way. Needless to say however, the downfall of these men is that they are not particularly strong when it comes to succeeding in this cut-throat day and age. They have very subserviant demeanors while they are devoted to women, they are more devoted to their mothers. There are good things and bad things about both these kinds of men. More often than not a woman will fall for the bad boy and once he's broken her heart she'll find a sensative guy to love her. As for me.. I've been there and done that. Though with me I find that during my 'sensative' guy phase.. I'm usually still extremely angry and will inevitably hurt that person. I am a predator. I prey on the weak letting them do for me what I will and once I'm tired of them or they no longer serve my purpose, I dispose of them. Mind you, I've not always been that way. It's a rather recent development. Recent meaning past couple of years. I won't blame any one person but explain it as a result of many situations and circumstances. Plus, I'm partially responsible for it myself. Being back in Illinois I've had a great many opportunites to meet new guys and be reaquainted with old ones. I'm finding that I'm becoming better and better at deciding what it is that I like and dislike in a guy. I find a guy who is self confident (but not egotistical) very appealing. The way a person carries theirself is key. A man with a sense of humor and intellect also is important. Someone who can make me laugh and who can carry a conversation with me is awesome. In conversation I do not mean discussing the weather or how our days were, but real subjects with a deeper understanding. (actually talking with me about the weather is great.. i love the weather. You get my point though.) I want a man who will respect me as an individual but also as a woman. Understand that I can do things on my own. I'm an independant person and I can do things for myself. While I would like a man to share my life with, I don't need a man for anything. I'm just as capable. Yet, part of me is still old fashioned and I do enjoy having the door opened for me and such, but there is a manner in which one does these things. Fumbling and running to do so is not cool. I don't need a man to fawn all over me or to sit at my feet. I need a man who will stand beside me and who is just as strong as me. I also would like a man who knows how to have fun. I'm finding that by dating christian guys, while they are very sweet, kind, and all that sugary coated goodness, they tend to be rather dull. I've never been able to open up to Joe or Clint about my dancing and not in a million years would they ever go with me, let alone dance. I love concerts, I love music, I love hiking and kayaking. I love tattoos. I want to travel the world and venture to new places. But most of these guys, just want to settle down and have families. I am NOT one of those girls. So I've tried dating secular, non-christian guys. While they do tend to be more outgoing, have endless amounts of body art, and enjoy the same great music that I do.. sadly they require things of me which I'm not willing to give them. Therefore I'm back to square one. So is it possible for women like myself to find a man with these unique and diverse attributes? I've only found one who was really really close but he did no love me enough and was not willing to leave Texas with me. Will I find another man like that someday? Perhaps....

The Eyeliner Boy Current mood: predatory What a change is here! Last week there was a decent size crowd. However, people just weren't really feeling the music and not many people danced. I myself sat and did not dance for about half of the time I was there. Which if you know me.. is rare! This week though there was the usual amount of people give or take a couple people. Lori showed up this week and we chatted. I don't know what it was but man all the music this Tuesday was awesome. I barely got off the dance floor for more than one or two songs at a time. Lori and her friend joined a long as well. I did however notice a new face there... err.. a new face to me. I hadn't seen him there before but he was a cutie with his eyeliner. I was pretty sure he had noticed me, but couldn't quite tell if he was into me. So I continued to dance my heart out because well... I love to dance. Of course I'd occasionally look up to see if he was watching, but at that distance, it's hard to tell if someone is watching you or not. I took more breaks that night. I was awefully sweaty from all my dancing. This did however give me an opportunity to trot by him. During one of these particular passings by, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and it was the cute guy wearing the eyeliner. He smiled at me and proceeded to tell me that I am "drop deap gorgeous" and complimented me on my dancing. I was immediately on cloud nine! I introduced myself and got his name. I floated back to my friends and let them in on what happened. Lori was thrilled and at the same time asking me why I wasn't still over there talking with him. I just shrugged and headed back onto the dance floor, giddy with a new serge of energy. The four of us girls (our group having multiplied after meeting some new people) hopped up and actually thrashed it out on the stage. DJ Twinscin was DJing and we were totally kicking it. It was great! After what seemed like an eternity of dancing we all mingled back to our usual table. We sat and talked. Lori urged me to go back and talk with the eyeliner boy. I couldn't.. I just couldn't. I find that what I can't express with words... I can express through dance. With my courage mustered up, I bee lined for the eyeliner boy and asked if he'd dance with me. He seemed a little taken aback and professed that he could not dance and would never be able to keep up with me. I shrugged it off and insisted he try, that I didn't mind, and besides... it was a slow song that was playing. That was all it took and the two of us were off. It was indeed a slow song. I haven't danced in ages to a slow song, let alone with another person. After a few akward moments of testing boundaries, we melted into the dance. Without hesitation our hands found each other, our bodies collided, and sweat mingled with the rhythm of the beat. It was exquisite. Long dead senses re-awoke and cold quiet nerves, burned intensly. Yes.. it was hot. After two dances we parted to go back to our friends. Lori and the girls giggled and cheered me on. I blushed, trying to slow down my heart beat and cool the fire in my face. It was quite the evening.