Unexpected Dinner Guest

I have been in this great burning mood for some good mexican food. My mother called to tell me that there is a Don Pablos in Pennsylvania where she is at right now. And of course.. being in the middle of no where, my pickings are slim. It's so bad, I've resorted to having to make my own. Which true, isn't a bad thing, but come on people! I'm a graduate student. I don't really have the time to make it.

As a treat I decided to take myself out to Dos Reales last night. It's a pretty decent mexican place. Ben always gets the burrito.. it's freaking huge and I dont know how he does it, but he somehow manages to eat the entire thing. I digress! So I get there and I i'm waiting for a table when this guy somes up to me and says, "You look like a really interesting person and I saw that you're sitting alone. Would you care to join us." Normally, I would have shyed away from someone randomly coming up and talking to me, but i figured, what the hell. You only live once, might as well meet some people along the the way.

The two guys I had dinner with were named Brad and Tiger. Very nice guys. The were probably in their mid to late thirties, gay, and townies. We had a good time talking about traveling, dancing, music, libraries, and the work that we do. There were times when I felt kind of akward and there were some silences, but it was fun. I got to spend my evening talking to people and sharing in the joy that is life with two complete strangers. I could have easily decided to sit alone and then been somewhat bored as I ate.

Hmm.. the experiences we miss out on because of our fear, uneasiness, and need to be comfortable. Come on people, let's live a little and take some chances.

Dark Days Gone By

I ponder about how my life is now, where I have been, and all the things I've done in between. I reflect on who I was, the misery I endured, and the wall I formed around me. I used to be so unhappy and torturously depressed. Only by God's grace have I been able to grow exponentially and become whoI am today. Sure I'm not perfect, and sure I do have the occasional problems, but life in general and for the most part, is grand. Any heartaches and trouble I have is caused by own selfishness, ignorance, fear, lack of putting wisdom to good use. Heh.

I am happy with who I am and where I am. Perhaps some aspects could change, but if they don't, I'm satisfied and content either way. For example, I could live the rest of my life without the temperature dropping below 60 degrees. Of course the reality of that happening is very very.. very small. Nevertheless, I've found an alternative to battle this! Fashion! We all know how much I love shopping and wearing clothes. Since I've been here living in Illinois and with the ever approaching season of winter, I've come to embrace the wonder that is layering. I have created some uber-cute concoctions due to this phenomenon.

This is good. It shows my ability to adapt and take what perhaps might be a negative situation, and create a positive one. Like it says in one of VNV Nation's songs, Kingdom, "And I believe that we'll conceive of making hell for us a heaven, a brave new world, a promised land ..." With this new philosphy and outlook on life, how can I not be happy and how can I not look forward to the adventures that lie in wait for me.

Of course the bases to how I really came to this revelation is from what I've been learning at church. God's glory, His love for us all, and what we deserve because of that love. I'm not living in the lie that Satan or the World has weaved into my mind. I reject and refuse to subject myself to something that has no power over me.

Another great VNV Song is Fearless, "I'm not alone, I'm not afraid, I'm not unhappy." The music in this song makes me want to jump up and start dancing all over the place. It reverberates the resounding joy, love, and happiness within me. That's why I dance! It's a venue for me to release and display the soul within. Sure sometimes I dance angry to release pent up frustration and sometimes I weep when I cry in sorrow for loved ones I've lost or miss, but for the most part, it's a wonderful expression, a window into my being.

I hope that others are discovering these truths. I see the people around me and it breaks my heart that they do not know or understand these principles. If they did, oh the wonder that life could be! How happy a place this world would be. Nevertheless, I know it. And I hope to share even a little part of that light and happiness with those around me. To bring a peace, a glimmer of sparkling light, some sort of hope to the ones I love and to those whom God loves. My dark days have gone by and my present and my future are looking bright.

Ben went as a Zombie and I, as a pirate.

Ben and I went out to a Halloween Costume Party at the Highdive last night. While I was busy dancing the night away, Ben was busying himself trying to solve the Murder Mystery Game that they had going on. And lo and behold.. He figured it out and Won two T-shirts. hehehe, Yay Ben!