Revelation of the Past
I woke up this morning from two dreams I had had. I couldn't get back to sleep so I figured it'd be a good opportnity to read my bible and pray. I gathered a couple books I had been reading because well.. the dreams were about Brek and Jacob.
The first one was about Jacob. I was in my apartment but something was different. Where the bathroom was located, instead was another bedroom where my mother was staying. Randomly I got a phone call late in the night and I answered it. It was Jacob. He was calling me. Seriously he said to me, "Don't hang up. If you do, you will never hear from me again. I'm going to give you one more chance. I have an offer to make you." It scared me and excited me in the same instance. I hid in my closet so as to not disturb my mother, but by moving in there, the connection on my cell phone died and I lost the call! I almost started to cry but hurriedly called him back. I apologized for having hung up, the phone had died and said that I was interested and willing to do anything. The offer he was making had to do something about fabrics. He was going to give me a business but I had to choose the kind of fabric. Quickly I ran through my head the different types of fabrics it would be good to invest in and the only thing I could come up with was Silk. I've been working a lot with silk and I like it. Plus, it's kewl that it comes from worms. That was the first dream.
The second one of course had to do with Brek. I was at the church and so were all my friends I had made over the summer. Tommi, Amber, Jenn, all my lovlies. They were all dressed up and had totally kick ass outfits. They are all so beautiful. Anywho.. I'm sitting there talking to my brother when I see Brek at the bar. I go over to him on the other side and wave and smile at him. He acknowledges that he has seen my but for only a second. Angrily he detours his eyes away and looks at something else. Upset, I try to make my way over to him. He sees me coming and leaves. I try to chase him down, but I can't keep up with him through the crowd. This is when I wake up and can't sleep.
So I'm reading through some of my books and talking to God. I realize that I've been selfish, hurtful, and well.. kind of stupid. I was acting in a way similar to one guy in the book I was reading. I was bitter and when ever I had something not go my way, I got angry. I evaluated my thinking and realized I'd been relying on myself to much and not trusting God. And I realized that Jacob was right... I was acosting him. Instead of treating him as a brother in Christ, I was always pushing and probing him. With Brek.. what ruined our friendship was the fact that we hadn't been obeying God. God had said that he wasn't to pursue me. But instead, He wasn't treating me like a 'sister' and I wasn't being helpful by flirting and practically throwing myself at him.
I've made a decision. I need to apologize to them both. I"m going to call them up later and hopefully I'll get a chance to speak with them. If not, I'll just leave a message. At least I can say I tried. From this, I don't want to think that they'll want to be my friends again. If I never hear from them again, it's ok. The Lord is in control and maybe I'm not supposed to have them in my life anymore. Either way... Lord strengthen me.
I woke up this morning from two dreams I had had. I couldn't get back to sleep so I figured it'd be a good opportnity to read my bible and pray. I gathered a couple books I had been reading because well.. the dreams were about Brek and Jacob.
The first one was about Jacob. I was in my apartment but something was different. Where the bathroom was located, instead was another bedroom where my mother was staying. Randomly I got a phone call late in the night and I answered it. It was Jacob. He was calling me. Seriously he said to me, "Don't hang up. If you do, you will never hear from me again. I'm going to give you one more chance. I have an offer to make you." It scared me and excited me in the same instance. I hid in my closet so as to not disturb my mother, but by moving in there, the connection on my cell phone died and I lost the call! I almost started to cry but hurriedly called him back. I apologized for having hung up, the phone had died and said that I was interested and willing to do anything. The offer he was making had to do something about fabrics. He was going to give me a business but I had to choose the kind of fabric. Quickly I ran through my head the different types of fabrics it would be good to invest in and the only thing I could come up with was Silk. I've been working a lot with silk and I like it. Plus, it's kewl that it comes from worms. That was the first dream.
The second one of course had to do with Brek. I was at the church and so were all my friends I had made over the summer. Tommi, Amber, Jenn, all my lovlies. They were all dressed up and had totally kick ass outfits. They are all so beautiful. Anywho.. I'm sitting there talking to my brother when I see Brek at the bar. I go over to him on the other side and wave and smile at him. He acknowledges that he has seen my but for only a second. Angrily he detours his eyes away and looks at something else. Upset, I try to make my way over to him. He sees me coming and leaves. I try to chase him down, but I can't keep up with him through the crowd. This is when I wake up and can't sleep.
So I'm reading through some of my books and talking to God. I realize that I've been selfish, hurtful, and well.. kind of stupid. I was acting in a way similar to one guy in the book I was reading. I was bitter and when ever I had something not go my way, I got angry. I evaluated my thinking and realized I'd been relying on myself to much and not trusting God. And I realized that Jacob was right... I was acosting him. Instead of treating him as a brother in Christ, I was always pushing and probing him. With Brek.. what ruined our friendship was the fact that we hadn't been obeying God. God had said that he wasn't to pursue me. But instead, He wasn't treating me like a 'sister' and I wasn't being helpful by flirting and practically throwing myself at him.
I've made a decision. I need to apologize to them both. I"m going to call them up later and hopefully I'll get a chance to speak with them. If not, I'll just leave a message. At least I can say I tried. From this, I don't want to think that they'll want to be my friends again. If I never hear from them again, it's ok. The Lord is in control and maybe I'm not supposed to have them in my life anymore. Either way... Lord strengthen me.
